Even On My Bad Days, I Love You

I want you to know that on my bad days, on the worst days where I can’t even find the strength to shower or get out of bed, on the days where I don’t know myself, on days where everything seems impossible and everything seems blurry, the only thing in the world that makes sense is how much I love you. On my worst days, when my anxiety takes over my life and our relationship, I love you just as much. I actually love you even more for staying, for sitting with me while I wait for the storm to pass.

For some time now, I have wanted you to understand what it is that goes on inside of my head when I’m at my lowest. I’m unsure of how to describe this burden to someone who’s never experienced it. It’s like Neil Armstrong describing what the moon is like. No matter how many words, pictures, and books you study, you’ll never truly understand how debilitating it is to have your own mind attack you. And although every single day I work hard at it, there are some days I inevitably fail. And for those days, I need you to know this: I love you, I love you, I love you. You are the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. You’re my soulmate, my best friend, my teacher, my lover, and my confidante all wrapped into one.

I’ve been able to talk to you about gossip at work and my mental struggles just the same, and for that I am eternally grateful. I can’t imagine a world without you in it.

So please remember that on my dark days.

On the days I don’t feel like talking or texting back, on the days I have a short fuse and can’t seem to find the patience for anything. Remember I love you. Remember I’d walk a thousand miles to see your smile. Remember that I would do anything to treat you like the king that you are every day. Remember that I fit perfectly in your arms and that there’s no place I’d rather be.

I love you and I hope that you know it every minute of every day. I love you when we are both conquering the world, and I love you just as much when we are not. I love us. I love the friendship-turned-relationship that we have worked on day in and day out. You made me believe again.

Thank you for sticking with me through every storm and always bringing an umbrella.