Sorry But If You Want To Find Love, You Need To Actually Look For It

Okay, I’m just gonna say what we’re all thinking: Putting yourself out there is scary.

I know I’m only 23 and everyone is constantly reminding me that “I’m so young and have my whole life ahead of me,” and, “everything works out the way it’s supposed to,” and “You’ll find the one when you least expect it.”

Well, for anyone and everyone (literally everyone) who has told me this, your positivity is truly adorable, but allow the realist to speak up for a moment.

Young or not, I am currently in that Oh, SHIT! phase in my life where it’s hitting me harder than 2013 Miley Cyrus used to hit the bong that I am pathetically and undeniably single AF.

I didn’t meet anyone in high school, I didn’t meet anyone in college, and now I’m in that 9-to-5 adulthood schedule that reserves just a small window of time to myself. So, riddle me this, optimists: HOW and WHERE am I supposed to meet anyone?

I love The Notebook just as much as the next girl, but I am by no means anticipating a hot dude to risk his life by jumping on a Ferris wheel to ask me on a date.

Big Gossip Girl fan, but I don’t foresee a hunky Chuck Bass asking me to meet him at the top of the Empire State building any time soon.

And I’m a diehard Titanic girl, but the only thing sinking faster than that ship is my love life.

And for the love of God everyone, NO, I promise you I will not stumble across the love of my life in a coffee shop. Who even started this spiraling rumor? PSA to single girls everywhere, order your latte and bounce because he’s not there either.

All of a sudden that drunk-weekend-comfort-zone that college provided is officially gone. There’s no more liquid courage to rely on to go up and talk to boys or meet new people. Well, there is of course, but let’s face it ladies…we gotta grow up some time or another.

So again, I ask, HOW and WHERE do you optimists insist these single dudes are?

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been out of a relationship for a year now and single life has been everything I needed and more. I took this time to reflect on my relationship, understood where it went wrong and why, understood why he wasn’t the guy for me, and understood the type of girl I am and what I truly deserve out of relationships. With any failed experience comes a lesson, and this past year I’ve learned a lot about myself and about what I want out of my future.

So now, one year later, a more matured, self-aware girl is here twiddling her thumbs, officially ready for the next prospect to sweep her off her feet and *crickets*.

Until there wasn’t. In fact, a small handful of guys had started vying for my attention. Trust me, I am not trying to brag. When I say handful, I’m being very generous. But nonetheless, more than one guy had expressed interest in wanting to get to know me and take me on a date.

I thought this would be exciting. I thought this would bring back that new-and-exciting desirable feeling I used to get back when I was dating. But instead, I felt a more consuming feeling of actual fear. Which leads me, again, to the point of this article: Putting yourself out there is scary.

And instead of taking any of these guys up on their offers, I declined, made excuses and/or ghosted.

And then it hit me: Why am I doing this?

If I’m so over this single life, why am I not going on these dates? Why am I not offering the time to these guys who have made it obvious they are interested? Because I’m scared?

Being yourself is an awesome, incredible, genuine thing that everyone should embrace, but on the flip side, it is naturally a little scary. Because putting yourself out there and being yourself in front of someone who doesn’t know you means there’s a chance of rejection. And rejection means starting over. And starting over is also scary.

Before I continue talking in circles, I guess the point I’m trying to make is to just take that risk. And even if it is a little scary and nerve-wrecking at first, what really can go wrong?

I mean think about it; being your authentic self in front of someone means either one of two things: someone is going to genuinely love that about you, or someone may not totally vibe with your personality. If they love it, great. If not, that rejection believe it or not is actually still a good thing. You wouldn’t want to end up with someone who doesn’t like you for you, right?

And if you were still wondering, yes I am still single…so maybe I don’t have all the answers. And if you thought that somewhere in this post I would give you a clue as to how/where to meet single guys, I apologize because I don’t have that answer either. But here’s what I do know.

I’ve learned to not be closed off to any opportunities.

That weird guy from high school? Newsflash, that was six years ago. A lot can change in six years – just look at how far you’ve come. Maybe it’s worth that risk.

That guy you made out with once in college? OK, maybe there is something there more than you thought. Don’t write him off just yet. Go and see for yourself.

Your friend’s old friend from high school who insists how well you’d get along? Um, hello. She’s your friend. Who’s gonna know you better? Get out there.

Stop running from what is scary. Stop thinking about what could go wrong and start giving things the chance they deserve. Who knows what could come from it.