10 Hilariously Tragic Signs You’re Officially Becoming An Adult
1. Ikea is a haven.
You need to shop for furniture and get lunch? Say no more, those Swedish meatballs are calling your name. Does walking through the automatic doors, under the yellow and blue letters not feel even better than entering Disney World? I think yes it does. You are the equivalent of the kid in the candy store that can’t decide on which candy to buy. Except the candy is now couches and beautiful ottomans.
2. You’re able to go out and enjoy a single drink.
Self-control! Haha just kidding, you just really hate hangovers. You’d rather not feel like a semi-truck hit you the next day. Going into the bathroom and having to vom mid work day isn’t a good look, even if you stash mints at your desk. That single drink will also not lead to the unknown, unattractive person in your bed the next morning, in which you have zero clue how they got there, or why tf you let them in…
3. Love to go grocery shopping, but more so you just love the feeling of a full fridge.
You feel like Cinderella singing to her birds, except you’re actually just singing to your newly bought avos. The possibilities for meals are endless. You have all the tools to make an amazingly delicious meal, or who are we kidding, we have the ingredients to fill ourselves up before the actual meal we prepared is done.
4. Podcasts are your shit.
Long car ride? Podcast. Short walk to the gym? Podcast. The amount of murder podcasts you have downloaded on your phone is a little bit embarrassing. But now if someone you knows goes missing you’ll have the tools to find them….maybe….?
5. LinkedIn is a lifestyle.
Nuff’ said.
6. Anywhere and everywhere is somewhere you can fall asleep.
Train, plane, automobile? Middle of class? In line at CVS? Done, done, and done. Just be cautious of those roaming iPhones that catch you sleeping, or you just might wake up to find that you’ve gone Twitter viral for falling asleep in the middle of your workout.
7. Three hours of sleep no longer cuts it.
How you miss being 18 and being able to run on negative hours of sleep. You dread looking at the clock and seeing that it’s past 12:30. You automatically start counting the hours of sleep you’ll get if you go to bed right that second, but of course that stresses you out even more. To be honest, no matter how many hours of sleep you get it usually doesn’t feel like enough. Seven hours of sleep, still tired. 12, still tired. 29, tired. There is no winning.
8. You want to go give the drunken girl wearing booty shorts your sweater when you’re out at the bar.
Honey, leave something to the imagination. You aren’t even making those boys work for it. At some point wearing the equivalent of a bikini top to the bar just isn’t enticing. We’ve all heard the phrase “if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” but you shouldn’t really flaunt everything, if you know what I mean.
9. You feel like you’ve wasted a day if you wake up past 12.
Don’t you remember the good ole days where you could sleep until 2 p.m. and still want to take a nap at four? Well those days are long past my friends. You wake up and it’s 12:30?? Oh god, there’s a panic that is more powerful than your normal morning coffee. You can’t even say “Good Morning’ to anyone anymore, it’s only good afternoon. You’ve ruined your opportunity to get a cute breakfast with your friends. At least you can always count on Starbucks and Dunkin to be open even after you wasted your morning.
10. You now realize that the mean girl in high school wasn’t just mean, but that she had something going on at home.
Now you wish you’d asked her what was the matter when she was calling you names instead of bitching about her to your mom. Who knows, she could have an awful mom that she couldn’t even bitch to about people. The horror to think of not being able to vent to anyone, no wonder she was mean.
Growing up is scaring believe me I know. But buckle up, baby, because I know that you read that list and was thinking, “Damn, yeah that’s true.” Just appreciate that your heart doesn’t race anymore in line to get IDed because you actually are 21, and that your sarcasm ability has increased with age just like that fine wine in your hand.