10 People That Shouldn’t Join Us In 2014

1. The Perpetually Rude: These are people who are always assholes to those serving them; whether it is wait staff, the person making their coffee, or the poor soul searching for their size 8 shoes. No one needs your business badly enough to deal with your ignorance- cut that shit out.

2. The Condescending: There is no reason to talk down to ANYONE in this world. You know what makes you special? Being a good person. You know what doesn’t? Hearing about your Master’s Degree for the 26th time or how much money your hubby makes. Vomit.

3. Anyone who is still using the terms “YOLO” or “TWERKING.”

4. The Passive Aggressive: Literally someone said to me this year: “I would love to have a job like yours and help people, but I just live too expensive of a lifestyle to afford to.” My organization builds homes for our Nation’s heroes most of which lost their limbs while serving this country, so people like you can have stuffy desk jobs and enjoy that “lifestyle”. No need.

5. All the people who keep talking about the benefits of breastfeeding like they are spreading the word of God. I can’t.

6. Stalkers: This should go without saying but with stalkers sometimes you need to be excessively obvious. If someone is dodging your calls, ignoring your texts and literally running from you in public, that is a RED flag and you need to take the hint. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200.

7. The Debbie Downers: LIFE IS NOT THAT BAD. Actual shitty things happen to people every single day. Getting a speeding ticket, spilling your coffee, the fact that it snowed, these aren’t life altering occurrences, relax. No one should be known for the amount of complaining they do.

8. Grammar Police: If people using Your or You’re improperly is enough to send you into a fit of rage, you need to legitimately seek professional help and analyze your priorities in life. Similarly, if you find yourself getting in fights with people via the internet regularly, again you need to do some seriously soul searching my friend.

9. Justin Bieber.

10. Let’s also throw in Kanye West for good measure.