10 Simple Workouts For The Busy, Kinda Lazy Smoker


1. Did you know Netflix is chock full of workout videos? Or at least it recommends 1 or 2 to me every time its algorithm sees I’ve watched enough “Tearjerking Emotional Dramas with a Strong Female Lead” to correlate with eating 5 pounds worth of calories. Do one of these every time you’re waiting for a food delivery to arrive.

2. Leave for the bus consistently 3 minutes late, forcing you to run possibly 3 or 4 blocks a day.

3. Buy a workout ball and sit on it every time you suspect you might end up clicking idly on Tumblr for 45 minutes. Each time you reblog something, do 30 crunches on it.

4. Ruin your car somehow so that you are forced to walk places. Choose a liquor store/ place with Red Box at least 4 blocks away and go there 2-3 times per week.

5. Volunteer to babysit for the children of your older, more put together siblings. Put on Yo Gabba Gabba! or some other kind of kid’s music that you can stand and teach the kids hip-hop moves that you can laugh at.

6. Next time your friends are like, “Let’s go to that bar that has $1 tacos at midnight and drink until food time,” suggest instead going to “that one bar that plays music we liked in the 90’s, when we were ten, so we can all dance and sing Mariah Carey and do the opposite of eat tacos.”

7. Buy yourself expensive floor cleaner that makes you feel rich every time you clean, and mop the anger away.

8. Convince one of your video game-ish friends to throw a party where everybody dances in front of a camera as avatars of themselves.

9. Schedule a date with someone you want to impress with your “energetic quirkiness,” and suggest paddleboarding or snowshoeing or something like that. Tell them you do it all the time!

10. Get drunk and throw bottles at a wall.

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This post originally appeared on The Tangential.