10 Ways To Avoid Pissing Off Your Terrifying Boss

1.  Always look like you’re working on something important.  The very moment you open Facebook or Pinterest, or pull out your phone to play a “quick” game of Candy Crush, she will walk by your desk.  She won’t say anything to you, she may not even acknowledge your presence, but you will feel the disapproval emanating from the core of her merciless soul.

2.  Never make a mistake.  She will notice even the most minuscule of errors, and she will not hesitate to correct you…harshly…in front of at least three coworkers.

3.  When you do make a mistake, for God’s sake, correct it before she has the opportunity to publicly humiliate you about it.

4.  Don’t leave your desk more than three times before lunch.  If she sees you get up for that fourth bathroom/water/snack break, she will call you into her office and inquire about the state of your bladder/metabolism.

5.  Never ask her a question that could be answered by someone else.  If she’s the only person who isn’t at lunch, out sick, on vacation, etc. then you better just Google it.

6.  Don’t tell her you Googled it instead of asking her.

7.  And when you absolutely must ask her a question, you better do so by email so she needn’t look upon your incompetent face.

8.  Never be sick.

9.  If you really are sick, it better be when she’s on vacation.

10.  Finally, and quite possibly most importantly, always keep your mouth shut and avoid eye contact.