10 Ways To Process Your First ‘Earthquake’

1. Chalk it up to your roommate having wild sex

2. Wonder if the men doing construction down the street really, really screwed up

3. Do nothing but watch a half-full glass of water quiver, Jurassic Park style

4. Check Twitter for guidance

5. Assume someone is breaking into your house

6. Blame an above-ground subway, like that one episode of Family Matters

7. Honestly have no idea what is happening

8. Award one point to Harold Camping

9. Check into ‘Earthquakepocalypse’ on Foursquare

10. Correctly identify the earthquake as an earthquake, move on