10 Weird Things That Start Happening When You Only Read Mystery Novels

1.

You meet someone who acts weird and you think “I bet he’s the killer.”

2.

You think people are tailing you all the time. You leave your house or a parking lot and notice a car following you. Hmm, that’s weird. How long have they been following me? You keep looking in your rearview mirror trying to make out the details of their face, slightly panicking, WHO THE FUCK IS THIS PERSON!!?! then you see them turn into Papa John’s and you’re like, oh. Phew. Close call. 

3.

You look at your group of friends and wonder which one is most likely to ask you to hide a body or dig up a grave.

4.

You constantly feel a sense of foreboding and swear you get glimpses just before something truly wicked happens.

5.

When you go on a date with a seriously charming person you secretly screen them for any potential signs they could be a serial killer. (Although tbh, I think this happens anyway).

6.

You “see” clues everywhere.

7.

You use cop jargon in everyday life. Your significant other forgot to call you when they said they would so you’re like, “Where were you the night of the 20th at 7:30 p.m.?”

They look at you strangely. “Uhm…you mean last night? I was at home.”

“Any witnesses?” you ask.

“Uhm, no? I fell asleep.”

You smirk. Ha. Got ’em.

8.

You start tracing your family’s history in hopes of discovering a web of lies and secrets to unmask at the next family dinner.

9.

You look at your friends and family as a cast of characters and wonder which role each person would play in a murder mystery.

10.

You spent Thanksgiving trying to convince one of your family members to tell you where the family jewels are hidden.