100 More Simpsons Quotes, In Order Of Importance


Nota bene: This here is a list of ‘Simpsons’ quotes. For an enticing explanation of the methodology behind this list, please see the previous list for details — and also, since the previous list is a list, the previous list may contain some quotes that you like, so maybe check that list before complaining that something was left off this list. As before, these quotes are from memory, but if any of them are wrong and you leave a nice comment correcting them in the comments, then I will correct the quote. But if you leave a very angry comment, or a comment saying something like, “You got paid to do this?!” then I will not correct the quote, unless it happens to be crazily, egregiously, humiliatingly wrong. That is all. Now, Mr. Simpson, please take your purchases and get out and come ag-ai-n. …Which is a quote that I didn’t include, although I considered it. –O.M.

  1. “Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”
  2. “You’ll have to speak up, I’m wearing a towel.”
  3. “Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals… except the weasel.”
  4. “You know what I blame this on the breakdown of? Society.”
  5. “Aw; they were just about to show some close-ups of the rod!”
  6. “Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.”
  7. “There’s only three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.” “...Isn’t that the same as the wrong way?” “…Yeah, but faster.”
  8. “Must… remain… in a state of cat-like… awareness.”
  9. “That’s odd; usually the blood gets off at the second floor.”
  10. “Ketchup… Catsup… Ketchup… Catsup…”
  11. “Bart, I don’t want to alarm you, but there may be a Boogieman or Boogiemen in the house!”
  12. “Lousy Smarch weather.”
  13. “Go ahead; throw your vote away!”
  14. “Stupid TV! Be more funny!”
  15. “A little from Column A, a little from Column B…”
  16. “Show’s over, Shakespeare!”
  17. “The Frogurt is also cursed.”
  18. “Does he come in blond?”
  19. “A woman is a lot like a refrigerator. Six feet tall, 300 pounds… makes ice.”
  20. “Making fun of the boot is a bootable offense!”
  21. “To alcohol! The cause of — and solution to — all of life’s problems.”
  22. “Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.”
  23. “Donuts. Is there anything they can’t do?”
  24. “Toot on, son, toot on!”
  25. “…Music helps daddy think.”
  26. “Each jump brings us closer to God!”
  27. “Ha. No one ever says ‘Italy.'”
  28. “…Then why did I have the bowl, Bart? Why did I have the bowl?”
  29. “Marge, I’d like to be alone with the sandwich for a moment.”
  30. “Marge, I agree with you, in theory. Then again, Communism works, in theory.”
  31. “Marge, would you please tell Bart that I would just like to drink a glass of syrup like I do every morning?”
  32. “How do you sleep at night?” “…On a huge pile of money surrounded by many beautiful women.”
  33. “The Simpsons are going to Delaware!”
  34. “Aurora Borealis?”
  35. “And one more thing; I never washed my hands! …That was your rule, not mine!”
  36. “Dad, do I have to brush my teeth?” “…No, but at least rinse your mouth with soda.”
  37. “Ohhh — the hammock district!”
  38. “Well, kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.”
  39. “Desserts aren’t always right, Homer.” “…But they’re so… sweet.”
  40. “All right; Fudd me.”
  41. “Careful! They’re ruffled!”
  42. “Money can be exchanged for goods and services.”
  43. “It’s just a little airborne; it’s still good, it’s still good.”
  44. “Well, your honor, we have lots of hearsay and conjecture. Those are kinds of evidence.”
  45. “We really need to stop hiring him.”
  46. “He lied to us through song. I hate when people do that.”
  47. “Stop saying ‘Gummi’ so much.”
  48. “Oh, everything’s too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book. Everyone’s a sinner. …Except this guy.”
  49. “Y’know, Ned, you might want to consider one of the other major religions. They’re all pretty much the same…”
  50. “Does my withered face remind you of the grim specter of death?”
  51. “And here I am, using my own lungs like a sucker.”
  52. “Who is it?” “…Goons.” “Who?” “…Hired goons.”
  53. “He’s right, he’s right! We’re so lame.”
  54. “Your epidermis is showing.”
  55. “Oh, Kent, I’d be lying if I said my men weren’t committing crimes.” “…Well, touché.”
  56. “Can’t talk. Going out. If not back, avenge death.”
  57. “Can’t talk. Robbed. Go. Hell.”
  58. “Bart’s pain is fun, but mine isn’t!”
  59. “Yeah, well, I eat Froot Loops for breakfast.”
  60. “Uhhhh-ggh. That’s very disturbing.”
  61. “Have the Rolling Stones killed.”
  62. “DENTAL PLAN.”
  63. “It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times? You stupid monkey!”
  64. “Oh, sure, Lisa, some sort of wonderful, magical animal.”
  65. “Hello, President Clinton? I figured if anyone knew where to get some Tang ’round here, it’d be you. …Shut up!”
  66. “We have also arrested your older, balder, fatter son.”
  67. “See all that stuff inside, Homer? That’s why your robot never worked!”
  68. “Boy, I sure hope someone was fired for that blunder.”
  69. “Ah, Rex Morgan M.D., you have the cure for the daily blues.”
  70. “Oh, Ziggy. Will you ever win?”
  71. “Attempted murder? Now, what is that? Do they give a Noble Prize for attempted chemistry?”
  72. “I had to pay 5 dollars to see my own grandson! That’s the Democrats for ya!”
  73. “…A fabulous, frabulous, zip-zop-zabulous present!”
  75. “They’re defending themselves somehow!”
  76. “I need it all, Marge: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors – oh, I’ll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about “What’s to be done with this Homer Simpson?’”
  77. “You don’t win friends with salad!”
  78. “Say, I wonder if this Homer Nixon is any relation.” “…Uh, unlikely, sir, they pronounce and spell their names differently.”
  79. “Mmm… Land of Chocolate.”
  80. “Ooh! Floor pie!”
  81. “…And if you get eaten, it’s your own fault!”
  82. “You have thirty minutes to move your cube.”
  83. “DENTAL PLAN.”
  85. “Why me laugh?”
  86. “Oooh, he read card good!”
  87. “Homer no function beer well without.”
  88. “Do you know that most people only use 10 percent of their brains? Well, am now one of those people.”
  89. “I call him Gamblor, and it’s time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!”
  90. “Inflammable means flammable? …What a country.”
  91. “How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Made sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.”
  92. “DENTAL PLAN.”
  93. “Come on; my children need wine!”
  94. “Bart, with $10,000, we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like… love.”
  95. “Okay, Mr. Burns, what’s your first name?” “...I do-oon’t… know.”
  96. “…What the hell was that?!”
  97. “When you get to Hell, tell em’ Itchy sent ya.”
  98. “Oh, I’ve wasted my life.”
  99. “And that’s the end… of that chapter.”
  100. “Thank you, come again!”


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credit – The Simpsons