11 Reasons I Can’t Love Him Like I Hated You

You drove me crazy for three years. I felt like your mother or babysitter more often than I felt like your girlfriend. You were childish and immature. I hated the little things you did that completely got under my skin, those little things that at the time I swore I could live without. I hated having to deal with these things because I loved you; I loved us.

He is nothing like you, and I love that about him. But even though he could never annoy me as much as you did, I can never love him as much as I loved hating being annoyed by you.

1. He doesn’t watch football every Monday, Thursday, Saturday, and Sunday. And he isn’t constantly on his phone checking Bleacher Report or his fantasy team.

But I miss cuddling on the couch, cat napping, eating pizza, and drinking beer all day on Sunday. I miss you getting my attention when your team was about to score. I miss the victory sex.

2. He doesn’t play video games until two in the morning. He actually comes to bed at a reasonable time and watches TV with me until we fall asleep.

But I miss you tucking me in bed, cuddling with me until I fall asleep, and being content knowing you’re in the living room enjoying your “you” time. I miss being woken up at 2:30 with the weight of you getting in bed beside me and feeling your arms wrap around me before you doze off.

3. He isn’t picky about everything he eats and is always up to trying new things.

But I miss knowing what you’re going to get at every restaurant we go to and being able to order your food because you’re so predictable that it’s cute. I miss having to cook in separate pots and pans because you didn’t want my mushroom sauce touching your plain, boring sauce.

4. He cleans up after himself, doesn’t leave dishes lying in the sink for days, and actually remembers to do his laundry.

But I miss surprising you with a clean house when you got home. I miss doing our laundry together and having to refold my T-shirts after you could never fold them right. I miss doing dishes with you after we eat dinner because that was the only way I could ensure they got done.

5. He doesn’t radiate body heat so excessively that we both end up sweating with the covers at our feet in the middle of the night.

But now I am always freezing while I sleep, though I still sleep with a fan on because you always needed noise and I hate the sound of the silence now.

6. He doesn’t get annoyed when I rub my feet against his feet right before I fall asleep.

Because I don’t, and he’ll never know how soothing that is to me. And he’ll never know that’s my go-to comfort move when I don’t feel good.

7. He doesn’t spend two hours in the gym every day.

Because we don’t work out together, and it doesn’t take twice as long. I work out alone now. And even after all this time, I can still hear you in my head, “Come on, baby! You got this. 5-4-3-2-more-1! Good job, honey!”

8. He remembers the little things, like my work schedule and when he has a project due.

But I miss having to remind you. I miss feeling like you needed me to keep you on track so you don’t get lost or forget something important.

9. He is independent. He doesn’t rely on his mom to do everything for him because he acts like a grown-up.

But I miss having the option to go to your mom if I ever needed anything done and no time of my own to do it. I miss going to your parents’ house to eat when I didn’t feel like cooking. I miss your mom texting me to check on us when you were too busy to call her back.

10. He doesn’t always invite his friends when he and I have plans to eat dinner together.

But I miss spending time with your friends, our friends. I miss laughing with “the guys” and being referred to as the “Future Mrs.” I miss being there for them and them being there for me.

11. He doesn’t like being the little spoon.

And that’s what I miss most of all—being so comfortable with each other that we could sleep in any position and it always seemed to work. I fit perfectly into the nook under your arm. When you rolled over, you would let me curl up to your back. We never had to try to get comfortable, we just always were. I miss that. I miss you.