11 Things That Begin Creeping Up On You In Your Mid-20s

1. Conversations About Property Value:

Over the holidays, I met up with two high school/college friends. Both of them have jobs which require them to work long hours and then overspend on seamless when they get home. As such, they like to talk about things like stocks, investments, and patterns on dress socks.

One of them, disillusioned with the rodent gallop that is his city life, noted that he was “looking at property upstate.” At first, I thought he was joking. Then, he launched into the topic in a way a diehard Yankees fan launches into the latest crop of draft picks.

I realized that there was a pretty good chance that by the end of the year, he’ll have purchased property in upstate New York. He even did that thing where he prematurely invited us to spend a weekend up there — thus forcing both of us to pretend like we definitely wanted to do that.

In conclusion, life is not a race and everyone achieves things at different rates.

2. Wedding Gossip, In Which You Can Give Your 2 Cents:

My favorite part of the the whole “weddings are now a thing” craze is that the gossip involved is way better than any previous “big event” gossip.

Weddings blow prom, birthdays, and Brian’s house party out of the water. They end friendships, they cause lifelong tension, and you get to loudly complain about them when they’re in rural Virginia.

3. Friends As Liabilities And/Or Intimidating People You Can’t Relate To Anymore:

Even if you’ve all recently been on the same out of control Facebook comment thread, there’s a good chance that you and your longer term friends have begun to live your lives radically differently from one another. From earnings, to diversity of experience, to situational intelligence, friends you haven’t interacted with on the regular will likely have, in some way, moved away from your general orbit.

Depending on these variables, their version of a Friday night may be in a much different location, with a much different crowd and a much different price tag. In order words, your worlds are no longer Timberlake/Bass/Fatone.

4. Having Kids Is The New 30:

When I was in college, I felt that although I couldn’t remotely identify with being 30, it was within range. I could see 30 from a distance, but I couldn’t talk to 30. In college and immediately thereafter, 30 was like that friend who’s on the other side of the street. You can see him walking, but he’s too far away to register your frantic waves.

This is a terrible point, because it indirectly implies that you “should” be having kids at age 32-36. Have kids whenever you want, whenever it makes sense. If you plan on wearing American Eagle clothing until age 39, maybe don’t have kids at all.

(I guess the point I’m trying to make here is that even if they’re on the outskirts, kids might be slowly creeping into the frame.)

5. Lorelei Over Rory:

I’ve never seen Gilmore Girls, which I’ve heard is a crime in 47 states. Anyway, now that it’s back on Netflix, I’ve heard from multiple sources that rewatching Gilmore Girls enables one to see the show in an entirely different light — that Lorelei is an entirely new character, given that we’re now at an age to appreciate and better understand her motivations and flaws. Again, this has been confirmed by more than one human.

6. Completely Avoidable Injuries:

I play in a Thanksgiving football game with my older brother’s friends every year. We play tackle, which is increasingly idiotic as the years progress. As we approach our tenth year of the Turkey Bowl, we’ve realized that the game will probably die out within the next five years due to the fact that someone is definitely going to get seriously injured.

This year, I made sure to stretch for a good 15 minutes before the game. It was a great move, but the 19 year-old invincible version of me would’ve found this laughable.

7. Fence Climbing Retirement:

I recently read the Book Of Joe, by Jonathan Tropper (I loved it, and would highly recommend). There’s a scene in the book where a man in his 30s is forced to climb a fence, and isn’t sure whether or not he’s gonna be able to pull it off.

It got me thinking — is there an acceptable age cutoff for fence climbing? At what age does climbing a fence become less of a vehicle for cultivating memories, and more of a vehicle for being vaguely sad and pathetic?

8. Emails > Facebook Events:

Most Facebook event invites are disappointing. A recent one I received — for a friend’s 27th birthday party, held at a bar — wasn’t so much disappointing as it was provocative.

Is 27 too old to be having a giant Facebook-event centric birthday party at a bar that’s really more like a club? I don’t know the answer, but you gotta love someone pushing the boundaries like that.

9. Complacency/Passion Temperance:

If there’s one rule for us young professionals the 21st century working world, it’s probably to “Find The Thing You’re Most Passionate About, Then Do It On Nights And Weekends.”

Until of course, the passion becomes more and more of a chore, and the allure of sitting at home and watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine with someone you love and care about increasingly sounds like a better option. The tipping point here, seems to be somewhere around 26 or 27.

10. Clean As The Default Vs. Dirty As The Default:

A few years ago, I’d wake up and see a bunch of bowls, cups, and loose garbage on my coffee table. When we cleaned, it was really just to prevent the messiness from getting out of control. Once things were clean, it was only a matter of time until they got messy again.

Increasingly, it’s (awesomely) become the opposite. Clean is the default, and messy is something that must be curbed sooner rather than later. The difference between “preventing things from becoming too messy” and “keeping things clean” seems like a technicality, but it’s definitely a major one.

11. Matt Damon Being 50:

I realized the other day that Matt Damon is getting pretty close to 50. (He’s 44.) Realistically, Matt Damon can no longer play the up-and-coming husband-to-be hotshot that he plays so well in The Departed. Rather, he’s is moving to strictly dad and/or unmarried careerist roles, which is something that just kinda caught me by surprise. Here’s to you, Matt.