11 Things Women Talk About With Other Women

1. Sex

If you think locker room talk is only for guys, then hold on to your hats. Women talk about sex. We compare moves, give each other ideas, and sometimes even suggest certain XXX-rated videos. Oh, yes, we do. (Parodies are the best).

2. Judgmental People

Women like to commiserate with others on the intolerance of others, whether it be in the home, workplace, or the world in general. We also understand that being intolerant of intolerance is oddly funny.

3. Kids

Well, yeah, of course we talk about our kids. In large groups, it’s all about our snowflakes and their awesomeness, smarts, and advanced thinking skills. In smaller groups, it’s how tyrannical they are and how often we find ourselves naked in the fetal position in a corner rocking ourselves.

4. Our man’s, ahem, girth…

Yes, we mention it, occasionally, a lot. That’s all you men probably need to know about that.

5. Bad Clothing Choices of Others

Spandex and tube tops should only be worn in the privacy of one’s home, and if we see it worn out in public, it will need to be discussed, and possibly photographed. Speedos, butt-cheek peeking shorts, camel-toe, booby-exposing shirts, nipples, and 4 inch high stilettos at Wal-Mart are also conversation-worthy.

6. Other Women’s Parenting Skills

No one is safe from this one, and no other mother in any store at the mall is going to parent their kids better than we will. It’s just a no win, situation, really. Yelling and screaming at your kid will surely cause a discussion about whether or not we should have called Children’s Services, even if we just covered our own children in honey and tied them to a stake over an anthill.

7. Ex-boyfriends

We can’t help it, they were our boyfriends at one time for a reason, and occasionally the old “Whew, dodged THAT bullet!” or “Wow, I really miss it when Bobby licked my eyebrows” needs a mentioning.

8. Stupid People

Stupid is relative and subjective, sure, but there’s stupid, and then there’s stupid. If you’re a 25 year old and asked if “meet” is spelled “M-E-A-T”, then you’re the italicized stupid.

9. Periods

Now, here, we like to compete a little. Who has the worst cramps and hemorrhaging and almost dead, it’s a thing, but there’s always gotta be the one who has “such light periods I don’t even notice!” We hate that chick.

10. Football

We talk about football, and it’s not always about the fine butts or the beautiful hair on Troy Polamalu. If we’re on a Fantasy Football team, you can bet your sweet patootie we’re discussing stats, points, and who to bench for the next week.

11. Other Women

Yeah, we’ve heard women are women’s worst enemy, and it may be true, but come on, you shouldn’t post selfies of yourself in the bathroom with an unflushed toilet and a baby in the background. Ever.