12.5 Signs It’s Winter (In Case The Temperature Hasn’t Tipped You Off)


1. Your feet no longer seem to have joints. It’s just one big cold lump down there. And if you do feel like they could move, the activity is impossible to discern through that ball of socks.

2. You haven’t eaten a salad in weeks. It’s been all soup and sweet potatoes. And chocolate. Let’s not kid ourselves.

3. Are chocolate-covered sweet potatoes a thing? You just can’t help but wonder.

4. You can’t see the stars because of all the Christmas lights that haven’t found their way back into storage yet.

5. You haven’t recognized your friends due to them being too bundled up.

6. Your “don’t hit on a smoker” screening is no longer reliable as everyone’s exhale is freezing picturesquely. Now you actually have to get close enough to smell the air in their personal space, darn it.

7. But then again, who stays in the cold longer than strictly necessary? Maybe your system works after all…

8. Your standards. They’re buried somewhere under the snow – but really, most deal breakers are so much less of an issue when the sun sets at 4 pm. As long as they have two arms to wrap around you, you’re not complaining. You’ll look more closely come May.

9. Showers in the single-digit minute-range just don’t exist.

10. You’ve said things like “I need hot tea in an IV!” during the past weeks.

11. Usually, you’re too stylish to participate in ugly-anything-day, but the prospect of warmth may just make you reconsider that sweater grandma gave you for Christmas…

12. You’ve punched someone in the face for saying “Now we get to wear all those wonderful warm sweaters and scarves and hats!”

12.5. Or maybe you’ve been punched.

But cheer up, Honey. The days are starting to get longer already.

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