13 Men And Women On How Marriage Has (Or Hasn’t) Changed Their Views On Monogamy


1. “At first I was always so worried about my ability to stay faithful, I completely overlooked how hard it would be for my wife. There will always be temptations out there, and you have to assume that’s true for your spouse, too. The way we handle it is by talking about it openly. It’s really refreshing to know that you’re both struggling in a way, but that you’re both committed to doing whatever it takes to stay true to each other.”

— Samuel, 26

2. “The idea of my husband with another woman used to make me physically ill. But the other night I picked him up from the gym we belong to (he was getting a back massage), and I walked into this tiny room where a female masseuse was really working his back, and I thought, ‘Would I really mind if things escalated? If she gave him a BJ, wouldn’t it just save me the hassle?’”

— Fran, 31

3. “Every married woman should be grateful that a man’s sex drive decreases as he ages. It’s the only reason why long-term couples are able to make things last without either party having an affair, I think. Once you’re over the horny hump, it’s so much easier to settle for whatever you’re getting at home.”

— Evan, 45

4. “I married my best friend in the world, but from the outset our sex drives were pretty mismatched. I love sex but he’s just not as into it. We got hitched assuming that physical intimacy was secondary to all the other amazing aspects of our relationship. What I know now is that sexual chemistry is a way bigger part of long-term happiness than I thought. I’m sexually starved and I’m legitimately bored of masturbating at this point. I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”

— Paula, 33

5. “As newlyweds, you think it’s the easiest thing in the world to stay monogamous for decades. You’re so obsessed with each other and you can’t keep your hands off each other. At least that was my experience. But things change as the romantic lust fades. I can honestly say I am more in love with my wife today than ever before. But I’m not entirely sexually satisfied by her. Luckily, I found a cam girl to fill in the gaps. It’s not a cheap habit, but interacting with her regularly keeps me from being unfaithful.”

— Vince, 31

6. “I was raised to be a good Catholic gentleman. But at a certain point—roughly six and a half years into marriage—I had to ask myself if this age-old custom of promising a lifetime of exclusivity makes any sense at all. I wish I could say I’ve never cheated on my wife, but I have. And I can’t tell you in good faith that it won’t happen again.”

— Thomas, 33

7. “I have and always will be a man of my word. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about my wife. I caught her in bed with her personal trainer last week. I’m devastated. I can’t believe this is happening to me. I know in my heart that I’ll be able to forgive her, but I also feel like I should get a free pass to mess around with someone else. Only seems fair.”

— Martin, 30

8. “Even as a teen, I was a serial monogamist. The thing is, those early life serious relationships all come to an end. So the idea of being exclusive isn’t all that intimidating. Ten years into marriage, I’m really rethinking whether or not I can do this. I mean, I think about the rest of my life and it’s a long-ass time to rely on one dick.”

— Theresa, 37

9. “I pride myself on discipline. So while I always knew that monogamy would be tough, I’ve always kind of enjoyed the challenge. If anything, I’d say it gets easier over time—like anything else you really dedicate yourself to.”

— Doug, 36

10. “My wife and I married very young, at 22. We both thought we could do it, but we were wrong. We were so in love , but we weren’t even fully formed adults yet. We’ve both evolved so much in the last five years, and we’ve decided to go our separate ways. There’s just so much of the world (and so many other people!) for us both to experience still. If I do attempt monogamy again, it will be a long time from today. I’m pretty sure my soon-to-be ex would say the same.”

— Oliver, 27

11. “Like any WASP from a good family with traditional values, I’ve learned to look the other way, so to speak. And I expect my husband to do the same. I’m not 100 percent sure he’s cheated because neither of us pries but I’m 99.9 percent sure. As long as he doesn’t do anything stupid like bang some gold digger who’s out to blackmail him for money, I’m honestly okay with it.”

— Reagan, 29

12. “Have you ever tried virtual porn? The technology’s a little rough at this stage, but it’s getting there—fast. If you could have sex with a virtual woman every now and then, wouldn’t monogamy be a piece of cake? Think about it! It’s fair to say I’m counting on tech geeks and the porn industry to save my marriage.”

— Lawrence, 34

13. “When we first got married, my husband and I were fucking bunnies. My SO has a really high sex drive, and I do too. But I’m also really committed to my career, so I can’t just hang out in bed every morning and show up late to work, whereas his job as a freelancer gives him more flexibility. I used to go out of my way to accommodate my husband’s every sexual need, but at a certain point I had to start choosing my professional obligations over his horny demands. That’s definitely led to some problems, but my strategy is to give him just enough sex so he’s not desperate to stray.”

— Nancy, 30