13 Signs You Truly DGAF


1. You talk about leather jogging pants.

It’s only natural to start with Kanye, who asked us on his album Black Skinhead, “How much do I not give a fuck? Let me show you right now ‘fore you give it up.” And true to form, he did. He went on to show us the give-no-fucks disposition, feigning god-like at his concerts and flipping off the paparazzi. But perhaps the ultimate lesson he taught us in giving no fucks is when he claimed to have pioneered an arbitrary item of clothing—the leather jogging pant, more precisely. And frankly I can think of nothing else so fundamentally IDGAF in nature than working out in leather pants.

2. You wear sunglasses inside.

Anna Wintour does it with André Leon Talley at all the fashion shows which, in a way, is not all that absurd because the lights at these shows can be very bright. But then Anna shows us the extent to which she doesn’t give a fuck by wearing her sunglasses at a Yeezus concert—a move that would doubtless render any 64-year-old woman blind. In a sense, it could be construed as a comment on Kanye’s own IDGAF stance; that is, Kanye thinks he doesn’t give a fuck? Try Anna. She’ll pay for tickets to a Yeezus concert and then show up not being able to see a goddamn thing!

3. You’re still wearing your Halloween costume.

It’s abundantly clear the precise number of little fucks that you give if you haven’t yet taken the time to throw out your Halloween costume. And you can take this even further by actually wearing this Halloween costume out.
Here, a model to follow:

4. You are Rob Delaney.

Rob Delaney is the king of Twitter precisely because of the lack of fucks he gives, not unlike if a leather jogging pant was given its own Twitter handle. We can see this in the nature of his tweets, which are typically crass remarks made at celebrities, powerful people and large corporations. One time he tweeted at Rihanna, “Are you having diarrhea this morning too? I think it was the food we ate last night…” proving that a low fucks level will get you dinner with Rihanna. But he truly solidified his place in the IDGAF Hall Of Fame with this guy:

5. You wear a blinding Canadian tuxedo.

While this is at times a blatant attempt to not give a fuck, it is no less an IDGAF kind-of-outfit. It conveys a heedless, perpetually chill, Jerry Seinfeld type of attitude. and of course, you’re rewarded extra IDGAF points for the type and shape of denim you choose to don—specifically if they’re high-rise jeans, jeans with an elastic waistband, or acid-washed denim.

6. You don’t play by the rules.

And by this I really mean the 5-second rule. This is typically because you’re an overall blasé person with a penchant for rice krispie treats, despite the number of lint hairs on it. To put it succinctly, you DGAF.

7. You wear cargo pants.

Though it’s unclear why, there’s just something about cargo pants that screams IDGAF, the sartorial edition. The wearer with little fucks to give will usually stuff all of his belongings in his cargo pockets, ensuring that he’ll make a ton of noise when he walks and that he’ll constantly feel uncomfortably weighed down.

8. You don’t use condoms.

Crucial to not giving a fuck is the wide spectrum of what “fuck” stands for. Perhaps you don’t give a fuck about how you’re perceived and will therefore order Seamless 4 times in one day. But does this same attitude apply to your feelings about bearing children? It should, you know. Fucks, by nature, do not discriminate. So if you practice safe sex, perhaps it’s time you reassess the number of fucks you claim to give.

9. You dole out reverse mimosas.

Sometimes things are worth mentioning twice. I mentioned the benefits of the reverse mimosa in my article “18 Things Girls love To Do But Will Never Admit,” right alongside pulling hairs out of butts. And it appears this flavorful drink is just as relevant here. Drinking a glass of Orangina and wine is a great way to flex your no-fucks-given muscles. The move is economical, simple to make, and honorable, all while exuding a strong indifference to mixologists.

10. You are Dennis Rodman.

We could all learn a thing or two from Dennis Rodman. His entire life, it seems, has been a giant effort to give less and less fucks. Now, at 52 years old, he’s really outdone himself by going out of his way to please and serve North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un. While perhaps not patriotic, surrounding yourself with North Koreans is certainly a great and easy way to go from uptight mommy to chillaxed, runaway dad in no time.

11. You are Michelle Rodriguez at the Knicks game.

Cara Delevigne has explicitly given no fucks for more about a year now, but it seems she has finally passed on the torch—and to an unexpected candidate too: Michelle Rodriguez.

The evidence of Rodriguez’s IDGAF temperament is twofold. Firstly, she has not been in the spotlight for quite some time, and so to reemerge shitfaced, in public, and making out with Cara Delevigne is pretty noble. Secondly, as a prominent figure in The Fast and the Furious movies and thus presumably a close friend of the late Paul Walker, Rodriguez’s recent behavior is even more so IDGAF in nature. Exhibiting a lack of mourning, the girl is showing us (and perhaps Kanye?) just how much she doesn’t give a fuck.

12. You are me in my video.

Fortunately, I don’t give a HOOT, or else I might’ve been offended by my comments.

13. You hump while on a bike.

There’s just something about humping on a bike that indicates a minuscule number of fucks one is bound to give. For one, it’s a complete toss-up as to whether or not you’ll get into an accident or merely whiplashed. And secondly, rough chafing MUST figure somewhere here.