13 Truths About Whitewater Kayakers

People often spend their entire lives searching for that one thing that makes them feel complete. Some people are fortunate enough to find it early on in their lives, while for others, it’s a lifelong mission. But either way, when you’ve found that “thing” there is no doubt in your mind that you’ve found it. You finally know what you want out of life, and you’ve found something that makes you truly happy.

For some this may be art, a relationship, or the perfect job.

But for a select group of others, this “thing” is Whitewater Kayaking.

You know you’ve found whitewater kayaking as your “thing” if:

1. It’s literally all you think about.

It’s what you go to bed thinking about, dream about at night, and the thought you wake up to the first thing in the morning. Your non-kayaking friends and family members know way more about kayaking than they could ever imagine because of your never ending stories.

2. You jump with joy when the next issue of Kayak Session Magazine is released.

You find yourself counting down the days until the next issue of Kayak Session finally hits the stands, and when that long awaited day finally arrives, nothing can keep you from your goal. You walk into the store knowing exactly where you’re needing to go, then when you pick up that magical magazine in your own two hands, you cant even contain yourself enough to purchase it before you flip it open. The smile on your face as you flip through the pages is larger than anyone would expect to see in a bookstore. You might get some interesting looks but its so worth it.

3. When you meet another kayaker, there’s an instant connection.

“Did we just become best friends?” “Yeup!”

It’s as easy as that.

It’s sometimes hard to find others who share the same passion for something, but when you do, it’s all you need. There’s nothing else about their lives that matters more to you than the fact that they kayak. You’ve found somebody who wont get tired of you talking for hours about dropping waterfalls, or the steezy boof you had yesterday.

4. Your next vacation is based solely on what rivers you can hit in the area.

More important than the beaches and tourist attractions that draw other people to your potential destination are the runnable rivers in the area.

Can we just talk about Chile for a second?

5. You constantly have to explain your passion to people.

Most people just can’t bring themselves to understand why you want to throw yourself down a raging river in a little plastic boat. To many, it seems like complete insanity.

In the beginning, trying to find the words to make people understand comes as a challenge, but the more you have to go through it, the better you get. It becomes almost like a speech that you have rehearsed, and you cant be more excited to share your passion with anybody who is willing to listen to you.

6. You have a different idea of what “going to church” means.

To most, “going to church” means dressing nicely, acting proper and sitting yourself among others in a chapel on a Sunday.

To a select group of others, “going to church” has a completely different meaning.

If you know it, you know it!

7. You have your own language that all kayakers are naturally fluent in.

Steezy. Brown. Boof.

Say these words to a non-kayaker and they’ll likely give you that look of utter confusion. Say these words to a kayaker and their face will likely light up, a huge grin appearing as they wait for the kick ass story that is to follow those amazing words.

SICK AS TITS DUDE!

8. You can’t imagine dating somebody who isn’t a kayaker.

What’s better than being able to share the love of your life with the love of your life?

Dating a fellow kayaker is likely one of the best decisions that you can make.  They understand and share your passion, and you’ll always have someone wanting to hit the river with you even when the rest of your buddies are out of town.

9. You’d rather meet a famous kayaker than a famous movie star.

You really couldn’t care less about meeting Brad Pitt, Jennifer Lawrence, or even Leonardo DiCaprio. Who are they really? Somebody you once saw in a pretty cool movie?

But meeting a kayak legend? You start to squeal and hop around the room just at the thought of it. These people are not only your idols, they are your mentors, and in many ways your teachers. You watch kayaking video after kayaking video, and probably know more about their lives than you’d care to admit.

10. Female Kayakers

YES.

PLEASE.

There’s something about female kayakers that automatically makes them unbelievably attractive.

It may be the fact that they’re willing to throw themselves down some crazy stuff without even a second thought, or just that they are some of the most determined and competitive people that you will ever meet.

Whatever it is, there is only one true word to describe female kayakers- BADASS!

11. Your ideal lazy day consists of kayaking video after kayaking video.

You hate the idea of staying in bed all day doing nothing, but somehow staying in bed all day watching kayaking videos is a totally acceptable idea. And it probably happens more often than you’d care to admit.

When the weather gets too cold, or nobody is around to join you on a river, do you go explore different hobbies? Nope, you just watch video after video of the sickest new drops being run!

12. You don’t really hate bootie beers as much as you say you do.

You swim, you need to do a bootie beer. That’s one of the golden rules of whitewater kayaking.

Yes the bootie is gritty. No you’d really rather not have your buddy’s foot stench right in you face. But somewhere deep deep down, there’s a little part of you that may even enjoy bootie beers, but you would never even dream about admitting that.

13. MUCH LOVE

Like so much love. You can’t get this amount of love from other people. Everyone loves each other and they’re definitely not afraid to show it. Outsiders wont understand it and will probably question what they are seeing all night long. “Can I get in on this?” “Nope”

So if you find yourself relating to the points above, consider yourself lucky. Not many people are able to find a love such as this.

MANY WAYS. MANY RIVERS. ONE LOVE.