14 Irrational Things That Happened To Me Right Before I Realized I Was On My Period

1. I finally finished the last episode Sex and the City. I was so overcome by the conclusion of the serious, and the roller coaster of emotions that Mr. Big and Carrie took me on, and the touching undying support of Miranda, Charlotte, and Samantha, that when these four, powerful, inspiring women marched down the street with the NYC backdrop, “You’ve Got the Love” playing, with Carrie’s inspiring narration, I started to cry as the show faded to black for the last time.

2. At work, my boss asked me to hand deliver a letter. She gave me the address and I left to complete this task. Without thinking, I throw the letter into a mailbox completely forgetting that I was supposed to hand deliver it. After thirty minutes of begging the mailman to dig through the mail and search for the letter, he refused my request. Then I spent ten minutes after that crying on the phone to my mom. It really wasn’t that big of a deal. It would’ve just been faster if I delivered it. Either way the letter would get to where it needed to go.

3. My hip was bothering me after getting into a fender bender. I went to urgent care only to find out that the location I went to didn’t accept my parents insurance. I cried in the car because I felt like a fool. Then I sneezed and ruined my underwear.

4. I was feeling good, driving in my car, cruising, “Bennie and the Jets” blasting, all the windows down. I decided to look myself in the rearview mirror and realized for the first time that day how dry my skin was and how bad my acne had gotten. I called my mom and started crying on the phone for twenty minutes over how ugly I’ve gotten.

5. I sobbed dramatically to the ending of E.T. I’ve seen the movie about a hundred times.

6. I manifested into a gluttonous Mr. Hyde. And ate everything in my pantry/fridge/freezer.

7. I woke up one morning and as I looked into the mirror for the first time that day, I started sobbing. This was because I just remembered that I didn’t look like Angelina Jolie.

8. I seriously considered marrying every man I talked to for at least three days straight.

9. I went online shopping for vibrators. I read customer testimonials, compared models, watched YouTube review videos, I even went to a sex shop to make sure the quality was up to par.

10. At karaoke I sang “Love is a Battlefield”.

11. I made a list of baby names for puppies.

12. I Googled the relationship status of actor Tye Sheridan then DM’d him on Instagram asking him what his actual height was. I wasn’t sure if Google was accurate so I just wanted to double check with him.

13. I made a giant salad. And after eating it all I then started crying over how “fat” I was.

14. I built a life between me and a barista at Starbucks, but in my head as he was making my drink.