15 Of The Dumbest Things I’ve Heard While Working In The Food Service Industry
By Codi Bott
1. What do you sell here?
EVERYTHING ON THAT GIANT MENU RIGHT ABOVE YOUR HEAD.
2. What’s the difference between the cheeseburger and the double cheeseburger?
Do you want to be slapped? I will slap you.
3. I want a cheeseburger with no cheese.
So a hamburger. You want a hamburger.
4. I want nachos with cheese please.
I swear, you don’t need to specify, with cheese. Because nachos are tortilla chips dipped in cheese. Without the cheese it would just be tortilla chips in a plastic bowl, and I don’t recall you ordering tortilla chips.
5. I want a fountain drink.
You’re going to have to be a bit more specific. I have small, medium, and large, and about 12 different drink options.
6. How much soda is in the 24 ounce drink?
Twenty. Four. Ounces.
7. Can’t you just comp that/upgrade that/give me extra/let it slide?
No. Because I will lose my job. And your cheapskate butt is not worth my job.
8. I only have 4 dollars.
Well that sucks. Your total is $4.27.
9. Do you work here?
No. I just wear orange tie-dye and these hideous khakis for funsies. Seriously, guys really get turned on when I look like a giant pumpkin. Oh, my shirt says staff on it? Weird.
10. Do you sell milk?
Is it on the menu?
11. What drinks do you have?
“Coke, Diet Coke, Cherry Coke, Root Beer, Dr Pepper, Sprite and Orange Fanta, as listed RIGHT ABOVE YOU ON THE MENU.”
12. I’ve been standing in line for 30 minutes! *proceeds to spend 10 minutes ordering because they still don’t know what they want*
Guess you should have used that time wisely, huh?
13. I’ve been waiting for over 20 minutes for my food!
Really? Weird, because the time on your receipt was 8 minutes ago.
14. I need a double deluxe cheeseburger, large fries, an ice cream sandwich, nachos, a pretzel with cheese and a large Coke. Wait- you know what, make that a Diet Coke.
No you’re right, that Coke really would have put you over the edge.
15. Excuse me, I ordered before them but they got their food first.
Yes they did. Because they ordered nachos and a drink. We’re still busy cooking the 15 chicken tender combos and 6 specialty burgers you ordered.