16 Reasons You’re My BFF



That time when we were 13 and in the Mean Girls’ group at Immaculate Heart Academy until one of us said, “Do you really like being friends with Tori and Emma?” and we decided to mutiny and become best friends.


That time before our high-school graduation when you called me to say, “I’m at the mall with my mom. Come here, ’cause I found your graduation shoes.” And they really were my graduation shoes.


When you heard me flush the toilet through the phone and asked me if I was peeing. I said yes, and you said, “Whatever, I do it all the time. It’s not weird cause we’re best friends.”


That time when I asked you what I should do if I finally found a boyfriend but was then selected to be the next Bachelorette, and you said, “OK, I’ve actually thought about this scenario because it could totally happen and here’s what I think.…”


When you got into pharmacy school you weren’t even a little bit braggy about it. But I told everyone because I couldn’t help myself and I still can’t believe how smart you are.


That time I was going on a date where a guy wanted to go for a bike ride and you said, “He wants YOU to ride a bike? Oh, no.…” And after I freaked out about riding a bike for the first time in five years and looking really stupid and possibly falling, you said, “You know what? If you aren’t good at riding a bike and he makes fun of you, you throw that bike at him and you say, ‘I HATE YOU!’”


You text me a bunch of emoticons like a dancing woman, a cactus, a lightning bolt, and a glass a wine, and then you say, “Have a great day!”


When I was going to be set up with a really hot guy that seemed like he kind of knew he was really hot, and after you and I Googled the heck out of him on the phone together, you said, “I don’t know Kiley…I feel like he’s gonna cheat on us.”


When I told you I was going to Iceland by myself and you got really weird and said, “Are you really doing this?” And I said, “Yes…why don’t you want me to go?” And you said, “I do but I just get nervous for you sometimes, OK?!”


Every time I spend the night at new guy’s house and text you the name of every medication I find in his bathroom, you text me back, “You’re insane. It’s a muscle relaxer. Stop snooping.”


When I went to that gyno who was mean to me. The one who laughed and said, “OooohKaaay, thanks for the map,” when I told her my cervix was really far back and to the right. And you said, “That is NOT OK; let me talk to Mom.” And you called me back with a list of websites where I could properly complain about her.


That time we talked about the missing Malaysian plane for an hour on the phone until we were so scared that we had to force ourselves to talk about Scandal instead.


That time you texted me and said, “I’m totally stalking your ex on FB right now and his new girlfriend is such a less hot version of you.”


That time you heard someone say the N-word and you told her, “That is NOT OK,” because #coloroffriendship and #itwasntok.


That time I found someone who really made me happy, and when I told you something cute he did for me, you said, “I’m just so excited…I’m doing the dancing woman emoticon right now.“


That time when we talked for two hours about our duties as each other’s Maids of Honor for the future weddings we don’t even know if we’re having yet. And you said, “Just make me a list of what you want and I’ll make it happen. I’m really good at lists.”