17 Larry David Quotes That Sum Up Everything You Wish You Could Say Out Loud


“I had a wonderful childhood, which is tough because it’s hard to adjust to a miserable adulthood.”
“He wanted a stop and chat with me, and I don’t know him well enough for a stop and chat!”
“When you’re not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom.”
“We’re fighting because you’re a moron.”
“I don’t take on big things. What I do, pretty much, is make the big things small and the small things big.”
“I have reservations about everything I do.”
“An employee is told that the customer is always right and, in fact, the customer is usually a moron and an asshole.”
“When I’m in social situations I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure, and I don’t have to shake hands.”
“There’s gotta be a time, there’s gotta be a cutoff point where you can’t have birthday parties. You’re so desperate for a party that you have to have a party two weeks after? Wait till next year, you missed it!”
“Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.”
“I tolerate lactose like I tolerate people.”
“I always think of nice things but I never act on them.”
“I tend to stay with the panic. I embrace the panic.”
“I’ll have a vanilla… one of the vanilla bulls**t things. You know, whatever you want, some vanilla bulls**t latte, cappa thing. Whatever you got – I don’t care.”
“My background is degradation and sloth, mostly.”
“I find human contact repulsive.”
“We don’t spend time together because I don’t want to spend time together.”