17 Thoughts Of Someone Who Hates Dieting With A Passion

There are many misconceptions when it comes to “dieting” or living a healthier lifestyle. Some feel that if you “cheat” once, you have to give up entirely, when in fact, it’s all about moderation. Below is a prime example of someone who is “trying to get their fit life together, but like, it’s hard.”

8:00 AM: *wakes up* Ah, today I start my diet. I’m going to KILL IT this time. No cheating. Salads only because #fitfam. If it’s green, it’s for me.

8: 15 AM: Wow, this oatmeal tastes like warm vomit. But that’s okay, because I’d rather be miserable and thin than happy and bloated.

8:20 AM: Who the fuck am I kidding? Donuts make me happier than most people do.

10:00 AM: Besides almost caving and going to Dunkin Donuts on my way to work, I’ve successfully gone two hours without junk food. Who rocks? I rock.

10:30 AM: I have spoken too soon. Just got an email saying that Becky from Marketing brought a celebratory birthday cake for Jim from Accounting. Whatever, I’ll just take my sad almonds to the cafeteria and watch everyone else eat.

10:40 AM: I can literally feel myself getting fatter just by looking at this cake. I want it. Shit, I wanted this yesterday BUT I’m going to say nay and stick to this diet.

11:00 AM: Had my almonds (all six of them!!!) and now I must suck down water like a fish until lunch so I can make myself feel full (THIS IS SO MUCH FUN!!)

12:00 PM: Hallelujah, praise Jesus. I can now eat my dry chicken, sweet potato, and asparagus. If I were in prison, this would in fact be my last meal. No excuses.

12:15 PM: Aaaaaaand I’m starving. Holy shit. I want a poptart right MEOW. How do people successfully contest prep for 20 weeks? I can’t handle this shit for 4 hours. I am weak. So weak.

1:00 PM: I’ve pissed 10 times within the last hour, my co-workers are giving me dirty looks every time I go to the bathroom, and I have one snack to hold me over until I’m out of here at 4 PM. I am literally living the dream.

2:00 PM: I just went on Instagram and searched #foodporn for the last hour…sooo…

2:30 PM: How the fuck does this girl have a candy bar every day and still look hot as shit? Screw my genetics, I was born to eat.

4:00 PM: Works over. How convenient that I have to pass Dunkin Donuts on my way to the gym…assholes.

4:30 PM: GYM TIME! Time to pick things up and put them down.

6:00 PM: I just worked my ass off at the gym. Reward? I think so.

10:00 PM: I have gone out of control. Chinese food, ice-cream, and donuts in a matter of 4 hours. I give up.

*next day* TODAY starts my diet…for realz this time.