18 Bullshit Things You Say To Other People Versus What You’d Say To Your Best Friend



To other people: We should totally grab dinner sometime!

To your best friend: Let’s get Chipotle and eat it on your couch and watch a movie and unbutton our jeans after we eat too much.


To other people: I seriously need to go to the gym.

To your best friend: I have no intention of going to the gym today, but I need you to give me some reassurance right now because I’m having a fat day.


To other people: The job is great. It’s kind of stressful, but definitely a great learning experience.

To your best friend: I absolutely hate my job and it makes me feel dead inside.


To other people: *text* Hey! Can we reschedule brunch? I’m so busy today eek sorry!

To your best friend: *text* I’m laying hungover in my bed like a fat sultan and I think I’m gonna throw up so I can’t leave the house and I NEED you.


To other people: I want to be with someone who I feel a genuine connection with.

To your best friend: Basically I’m just tired of dating awful, horrible people.


To other people: I think art is a really important part of our world.

To your best friend: I spend most of my relaxation time watching reruns on HGTV.


To other people: Being single has been great actually. It’s nice having some ‘me’ time.

To your best friend: I’m going to die alone and I HATE IT.


To other people: Oh you’ve been doing CrossFit? Good for you.

To your best friend: You need to stop talking about this now.


To other people: I really make an effort to eat healthy.

To your best friend: Kale is the worst and I want a cheeseburger right now.


To other people: *text* How are you?! We haven’t talked in forever!

To your best friend: *text* Let me cut the crap and just straight up tell you I need something from you.


To other people: My favorite books? Mostly the classics. Hemingway, Fitzgerald, etc.

To your best friend: Whenever I get a book out to read, it usually just sits on my lap while I look through funny Instagram accounts.


To other people: I’m just having a long day.

To your best friend: I’m actually severely HANGRY and I’m about to lose it. 


To other people: I’m doing well, thanks.

To your best friend: I’m a big ball of anxiety let me tell you all about it because you’re the only one who makes me feel better.


To other people: Her life is going well? I’m happy for her.

To your best friend: I’m a bad person, but drama is more interesting to talk about.


To other people: I think I’m just gonna stay in tonight and get a bunch of stuff done.

To your best friend: Wine. Netflix. Fat pants.


To other people: The Bachelor is such an awful show for humanity.

To your best friend: I can’t stop watching it tho.


To other people: [Insert Name] is really nice. We just don’t see eye to eye on some things.

To your best friend: I hate that person and I’m gonna bitch about them to you because you won’t judge me or tell anyone that I’m shady.


To other people: I’m a really chill person.

To your best friend: I like the idea of being chill but I have no chill and sometimes I’m a nutcase.