18 Thoughts Of A Recent Post Grad With Student Loans


1. “WHY did I think it was a good idea to “Follow my bliss” again?”

2. “I wonder if someone would pay me to sit and talk about all of my favorite topics of discussion, you know like a professional full-time TED Talker of sorts.“

3. “Maybe I should give that whole sugar baby thing a shot; I hear some of the sugar daddies will pay for all of your college.”

4. “If the sugar baby plan falls through, maybe I’ll be a stripper on nights and weekends while I still have my 20-something body.”

5. “Sallie Mae is literally the Mafia. I’m not trying to cheat you here Sallie, when I start getting money, you’ll start getting money. And I think I speak for all of your customers when I say, CALLING FOUR TIMES A DAY WON’T GET YOU YOUR MONEY ANY FASTER.”

6. “Why didn’t I move to one of the European countries where college is free? On second thought, why isn’t college in America free? Oh yea that’s right, because we care more about profit and trying to solve the worlds problems more than our own citizens.”

7. “Do my federal loans even count? America is already in trillions of dollars of debt so is the money I “owe” them even real in the first place?”

8. “How can every job require 3-5 years of experience? You have to hire me at a job when I have no experience in order to gain said 3-5 years of experience, employers. Where are all the entry level jobs?”

9. “How many times can I donate Plasma in a month? They pay you for that right? I could do that like on my way home from my other jobs.”

10. “Why aren’t there more entry level jobs like internships, for post grads, that pay well enough to support a person, so they can you know, focus on their job and being an asset to the company?”

11. “I wonder if you can just take classes forever, and not pay on your loans, and let your loans just die with you.”

12. “If I flee the country to go become a bartender on a tropical island, would Sallie Mae really be able to hunt me down?”

13. “All those places that offer student discounts should really start extending those discounts 2-3 years into post grad life. (Chipotle and wine companies should really jump on board with this one, post grads everywhere would praise you.)”

14. “I’ve been a pretty valued customer to Ben and Jerry’s over the years, I wonder if they would be willing to hire me as a flavor inventor or a taste tester… at least then if I’m still broke I would be surrounded by spoonfuls of happiness since I can’t afford to buy pints right now.”

15. “Who decided that 6 months was an adequate length of time for a grace period on student loans? Shouldn’t that be adjusted with the condition of the job market?”

16. “Actually, why aren’t grace periods determined by the employment outlook of your major/field of study?”

17. “What are my actual chances of winning the lottery, because I’m pretty sure their better than my chances of paying off these loans before I die, so I might as well buy a few tickets.”

18. “Well just incase the lottery plan falls through, I think it’s time to start applying to graduate schools, at least with a masters degree I’ll be at a job I enjoy, making enough to afford these insane monthly payments (and hopefully enjoy some piece without the relentless phone calls from Sallie Mae).”