18 Ways To Tell You’re In A Relationship With The Internet


1. When you wake up in the morning the first thing you do is grab your phone to check your notifications — emails, Tweets, your favorite news sites, your Facebook and other such profiles. You do this for thirty to forty minutes from the comfort of your bed.

2. You have subscriptions to Netflix, Spotify, Pandora, Aereo, HBObo, Espn, Hulu, basically ALL of the internet TV stations.

3. If you stopped to think about how many hours you’ve spent on the internet in the past wee, you’d probably be pretty embarrassed.

4. When you go out dancing you check your phone on the dance floor. It’s not that you’re bored or that you’re not having fun, but you just need to peep your notifications/the time just once more.

5. If you’re home alone and you’re writing an article or reading a blog or watching a show or doing basically anything involving the internet, you shamelessly carry it to the bathroom with you. Who needs the pause button when you can carry that bad boy to the toilet?

6. Because instead of asking your boyfriend or girlfriend what they think about a given topic, you just go on Twitter and ask them what they think. Wait for the responses to roll through.

7. And actually, who needs to go on a date when you got 20 new Twitter followers today!

8. The internet knows your sexual preferences better than anybody, things you wouldn’t dare admit you like. But guess what? It’s just a computer, so it can’t judge you!

9. Sometimes you wish you could carry a GIF or an emoticon with you — you know, to really punctuate the situation.

10. You ask the internet everything, including whether you have cancer or what to do when your wifi isn’t working.

11. You can do everything on the internet. You order all of your food on the internet, because that way at least the people you order from wont judge you because you order the same thing every time.

12. Actually wait — you order everything on the internet. The internet knows what you want to buy even before you want it.

13. You can’t remember the last time you slept with your phone more than a foot away from your head. You cuddle it from right under your pillow.

14. Your computer has been to all sorts of places with you where computers are technically not supposed to be.

15. You have a tablet, an iPhone/smartphone, and a laptop, and you bring all three when you travel. Their power cords are the first thing you pack.

16. Because there’s no greater panic than reaching 10%, 5%, 3% OH GOD SHUTDOWN IS IMMINENT.

17. You already know you have a serious addiction to the interwebs, so you purposefully leave your phone at home so you can LIVE IN THE MOMENT. But the whole night you can’t wait to get home so you can see how many notifications are waiting for you.

18. You have stayed in a hotel where you scoffed at then subsequently paid an OBSCENE amount of money to use the internet for a 24-hour period.

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