19 Things I Learned By Trying Out Romantic Comedy Movie Stuff In Real Life


No Strings Attached [DVD].

Everything I know about dating I learned from leading men in romantic comedies. That’s why I’ve been able to compile this list of lessons learnt from trying that stuff out in 21st Century America, which is where and when I live. I did this so you don’t have to, brothers. You’re welcome.

  1. Do not deliberately run into a beautiful woman on the sidewalk so you can help pick her stuff up/do a double take/smile slowly. She will be very frustrated and might be late to work.
  2. You do not just meet the love of your life by MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY. In fact, you pay your life savings for a studio apartment the size of the rat who shares it with you.
  3. Throwing pebbles at her bedroom window is an arrestable offense. Just call her cell phone.
  4. Do not guess, at least out loud, that she “owns a cute bookstore,” “wants to start her own bakery,” or “teaches schoolchildren” for a living.
  5. Not every hot blonde ends up being clutsy. Many of them actually have great hand-eye coordination.
  6. Some girls won’t stick to “marriage pacts” made in middle school 🙁
  7. Your best friend also has some real life stuff going on and he might wanna talk about that too.
  8. Trying to break up a wedding is completely inappropriate. Some of those people flew very far distances to celebrate this milestone with their loved one.
  9. Do not take every word of advice from every bartender.
  10. If you try to stop her from getting on a flight, a TSA officer will detain you.
  11. You can still recognize her if she takes off her glasses and straightens her hair.
  12. Just because they have gigantic glasses does not mean they are “adorkable.” Many women have truly horrible eyesight.
  13. That was just a one-night stand.
  14. Hookers, especially this one I met downtown, do not have “hearts of gold.” A lot of the time they have children and truly outrageous cell phone bills.
  15. Usually she will have more than one “quirk.”
  16. Running is exhausting and by the time you find her to declare your love for her, you are really sweaty and maybe even dry-heaving depending on the shape you’re in.
  17. She has nowhere to play a mix tape that is an actual cassette tape.
  18. Dying alone is a truly distinct possibility.
  19. Kissing in the rain can end up molding my favorite shirt. Your favorite shirt. It can end up molding your favorite shirt.