19 Things You Should Never Say To A Writer, And One You Should

1. So can I have a free copy of your book? What makes you think that any part of me would do this? This is how I make my living. Selling books. It’s 20 dollars!

2. Can I read your novel? No. But I was sure you would ask this when you met me. I’ll send you the first chapter. But you probably won’t end up reading it.

3. You should make me into a character. Because you’re so interesting? Let’s put it this way. A writer writes about people they love. If I don’t love you, you are not becoming your own character.

4. I have a great idea for a book. I should tell you, then you can write it, and we can split the income from it in half. Um hell no.

5. So what do you really do? I really write. I really work as a writer. That’s my job.

6. So where can I buy your book? I completed it yesterday and you expect it to be on a shelf this year? If only it worked that way…

7. You could be the next J.K. Rowling! Is this the only author you know? I don’t even write fantasy.

8. Do they even publish books anymore? Thanks for reminding me that one day I will be signing the back of kindles.

9. So you write romance novels? Oh because I am a woman? Thanks you sexist pig.

10. I want to write a novel one day. Really?!? Do you have more than the first chapter? No? An outline? No? Shut up.

11. Want to edit something for me? Would you ask an accountant to do your taxes for free?

12. So you’re not really a writer? I’m not published if that’s what you mean but I guarantee you if you come to my room at 3 in the morning on a weekday I will be writing.

13. You need to move on to new material! I’ll write seventeen books on the same subject if it still inspires me!

14. I’ve heard self-publishing is a thing. You don’t say? I’m sure I never thought about that after receiving ten rejection letters this morning.

15. Is that character based on me? If you have to ask then it definitely is not.

16. I just talked to a 15 year old girl who published a multi-million dollar book deal. Cool. Wow. Awesome. That is soooo interesting.

17. That’s really cool that you want to write but I could never give up stability. Are you saying this to remind you about your cushy corner office job? Or do you actually mean that?

18. I loved Fifty Shades of Grey! And the Twilight series! Did I talk about these books to you? You might as well start blabbering about physics.

19. You should dedicate your book to me. HAHAHAHAHAAHA.

And the one thing you should say:

What drives your protagonist?