20+ Reasons Why I Have Not Been In A Relationship For 20+ Years


To be clear, (in case it wasn’t), I am referring to relationships of the romantic variety. As in boyfriend/girlfriend/dating/etc.

I do have other relationships: with my mom, dad, imaginary friends, stuffed animals…come on, guys, I’m not a (total) hermit!

(yeah, thanks a lot, internet)

Here we go:

1. I was just a kid for the first few years or so, so dating would not have been appropriate (especially, at minimum, from the ages of 0 to, oh, maybe 21?)

2. Then I was extremely busy with school and piano and didn’t have time for that stuff. (Not to mention, my scary piano teacher would definitely not have approved)

3. When I was younger, my parents never explicitly forbade us from dating, but it was clear from their behavior that such a thing had never crossed their minds and shouldn’t cross ours, either,

4. until we had perhaps graduated. From college. And gotten jobs. And moved out. (My “well-behaved” sibling did not follow this unwritten rule, but I did. So there. Who’s the good kid now?)

5. I was also a bookworm and tended to be more interested in fictional characters than in living, breathing human beings.

6. I take the concept of relationships seriously (too seriously?) and don’t really believe in “casual dating” or whatever is going on nowadays. If you want to be casual, let’s stay friends…Or not, up to you.

7. My personal beliefs are likely making me incompatible with at least 89.5% of the available “dating pool.” (I’m not just talking faith in God here…I am well aware that many may disagree with me on other very important issues, such as the acceptable level of cleanliness of a room, or the appropriate amount of emptiness required before throwing out a used tube of toothpaste)

8. I have seen several friends and acquaintances flounder through problematic relationships (from ridiculous arguments to nail-in-the-marriage-certificate divorce), which does not make me eager to jump into aforementioned dating pool.

9. And I have unrealistically high standards for myself and any potential future S.O. (like the ability to, at minimum, speak three languages, play four instruments, AND be a mind-reader)

10. Also, I’m kind of a rebel and don’t like the concept that everyone MUST have a significant other to have a happy, meaningful life.

11. And besides, I honestly don’t think everyone MUST have a significant other in order to have a happy, meaningful life.

12. Plus, I haven’t yet met anyone who can stand having me around 24/7 (besides my mother, God bless her)

13. In any case, no one ever asked.

14. I think I put them off.

15. Because I’m a bit of an introvert.

16. And because I do have a dark side, and it ain’t pretty.

17. Also, I swore when I was 18 that I would not date until a certain age, which (may or may not include three digits, and which) I have not yet reached.

18. I did this because I was concerned with my lack of maturity,

19. And concerned with the distorted ideas about true love and romance (*cough* Hollywood *hack* Disney *wheeze* MTV) I have no doubt been inadvertently imbibing since babyhood.

20. I’m also afraid I’m still a fairly typical “Disney girl” with a penchant for wanting a “prince” to save me from myself, and that, as we all know, can only lead to unhealthy codependency patterns.

21. In other words, I’m still figuring myself out and working on the less appealing aspects of my personality and character — and there’s no need to rope anyone else into this mess right now.

22. On a (fairly) more serious note, I honestly don’t think I have enough to offer yet.

23. And I definitely need to work on my relationship with God more before I relate to anyone else.

24. And finally, being single has its perks. Since I have a lot more free time than my relationshipped-out friends, I can do a lot of stuff they can’t do, from writing fanciful posts about bagels and owl pellets on Medium to attempting to memorize large chunks of the Bible to having tea parties with my imaginary friends/stuffed animals, to…well, you get the idea.

So, question:

Does any of this resonate with any of you? If so, please tell me that I am not hopelessly bizarre and doomed (or blessed?) to stay (romantically) alone for the rest of my life.

It’s okay; you can tell the truth.

Or not, up to you.