21 Extremely Serious And Worthwhile Questions About Scientology


A scientology documentary came out and we could all just watch it and/or Google these things, but why delve into something that seems so batshit insane? What if the insanity-curious delving is what they want? What if the documentary is actually a big ploy to get people interested in the whole thing itself? What if I’m a scientologist? What if you’re Tom Cruise? What if nothing is funny? What if I’m just being paid by John Travolta? Is Grease propaganda? What if—

1. Is Katie Holmes sick of everyone?

2. Do all scientologists have shiny hair?

3. Will Elisabeth Moss hate me for asking these questions?

4. Is it all just like that episode of South Park?

5. What if the South Park dudes are just scientologists doing sponsored content?

6. Do people think the illuminati is/are the scientologists?

7. Does the scientology center have an Instagram?

8. Is Madonna into it?

9. It’s a cult, right?

10. Does anyone know what the word ‘cult’ means?

11. They have beepers, right?

12. Are iPhones allowed in cults?

13. iPhones are kind of a cult too, huh?

14. Does anyone know anything about scientology?

15. Does anyone actually want to know anything about scientology?

16. Are the bros who live next door to you scientologists?

17. Why is the UCB theatre in Los Angeles across from the scientology center?

18. Is scientology one big joke?

19. Is scientology a comedy bit?

20. Is scientology improv?

21. Is scientology maybe just like, something I had a nightmare about once?

22. Are there scientology bracelets?

23. Does every cause have a bracelet?

24. Did Jesus give out bracelets?

25. Do you want this fun bracelet? No? No? Seriously? Hey, where are you going? Mom? Dad? Aren’t you glad I moved to Hollywood? What if—