21 Mildly Sad Signs You’re Starting To Eat Like A Grown-Up


1. When you go to the grocery store now, you actually take the time to look at the nutrition facts on the back of things (which has led you to discover that essentially 99 percent of food is unhealthy and filled with corn syrup).

2. When you see a really delicious-looking recipe online, your immediate response has gone from “LOL ok like I’m going to buy sesame oil” to “Do you think I can get sesame oil at Safeway?”

3. Aside from making you gain weight like you never used to, eating really shitty food will make you tired and angry for the rest of the day.

4. You get “food hangovers” where your body is like “No, please stop giving me cheese fries three days in a row,” and all you crave is a salad and some fresh pressed juice.

5. One of your go-to meals has become yogurt with fruit and/or granola, because you’ve convinced yourself it is the perfect combination of responsible and fun.

6. You have gone from “making fun of kale” to “palpably getting excited when there is a kale caesar salad on the menu.”

7. Your food budget has taken up an extreme portion of your bank account, and you are much more able to justify 60 dollars in food spending than 60 dollars in clothes spending.

8. Bragging about excessive Seamless usage has just become sad (but you still do it, of course).

9. You are viscerally attracted to Instagram-filtered images of cut up fruits and vegetables.

10. Suddenly, there are granola bars everywhere. Your desk drawer and cabinets and even bedside table are merely storage units for granola bars.

11. You prepare yourself for a night of super-indulgent eating the way you would a night of heavy drinking — you make sure there is nothing too important scheduled for the next morning, and that there is a glass of water waiting on your night stand.

12. You have started to, on occasion, actually enjoy dark chocolate.

13. Where you used to make fun of the “foodie” versions of junk food, you now eat them with a joy unmatched by anything else in the food kingdom. “Pancetta-brussel sprout white pizza???? YES PLEASE.”

14. You actually buy ingredients now, instead of just boxes of pre-made food.

15. Juice has become an important part of your life, to the point that you have trapped more than one friend at a house party with a conversation about how “all you really need is a good juicer.”

16. Nothing makes you happier, when it comes to using your spending money, than trying a new restaurant you’ve heard good things about. There are restaurants you’ve planned and fantasized about for literal months in advance.

17. Restaurant Week is your Olympics.

18. Soda has become a special, vaguely naughty treat.

19. You are starting to learn more about wine than “some of it is red, some of it is white, and then a few of them are pink.”

20. Even though you still love coffee, you are trying to balance it as much as possible with tea, because a big part of you feels like tea is the caffeinated beverage of a True, Healthy Adult.

21. You know all the good food porn sites, and you have a couple that you check on a daily basis. And you still feel the need to hide it, because honestly, you don’t have time to explain to someone why you looked at a picture of banana bread pudding with creme fraiche 14 times this morning.