21 Morgan Tookers Quotes That Will Give You Life (And Laughter)


1. “Number two sexiest female organ: the butt. Number one sexiest female organ: the brain. The ba-donk-a-donk and the ba-think-a-think.”

2. “You guys aren’t even famous enough to be in a feud. You’re just two basics having a bitchfest.”

3. “This is the last time I’m going to say it: Saturdays are for one thing–cartoons.”

4. “Are you kidding me? A winky face? That’s like emoji porn.”

5. “It’s not the outfit that makes nurses sexy – it’s the helping people that makes nurses sexy.”

6. “I kissed my grandmother so tight on the lips this morning, she said, ‘Get the hell off me.’”

7. “Sherbet is not ice cream. I just wanna make that clear.”

8. “If he’s not exclusies, you’re not exclusies.”

9. “Are you giving me the silent treatment? Okay, so the silent treatment doesn’t work. Grandmother gave me the silent treatment. She didn’t talk to me for eight months. I never stopped talking. Turns out she had a pretty severe stroke.”

10. “She’s the whole package! Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes.”

11. [referring to opposing basketball team]”Do they have more points? Yes. Do they have more skills? Yes. But do they have more heart? Yes! And that is why we are leaving right now.”

12. “He’s using you for your perfect body and your cover girl looks, and you need to dump this scrub.”

13. “Whoa, weird energy in here. Is the ghost back?”

14. “I did play Effie White in the Otisville production of Dreamgirls. My cell mate said it was, ‘better than solitary.’”

15. “Everyone’s got problems, okay? I’ve got a bad back, back hair, bacne, other stuff with my back…My front is a mess.”

16. “One time to get a girl back, I drove a motorcycle through a flaming hoop.”


Danny: “What are your strengths?”
Morgan: “Upper body.”

18. “You own 40 dogs and think one of them might be Air Bud but… no.”

19. “Think of the best, strongest warrior version of yourself. Give that warrior a name. Never tell it to anyone. Mine is Axehead Lundgren. (Come on, Morgan!) Okay, okay, then whatever he’s doing to the warrior, he’s not doing to you, so you find his weakness, and you tell your warrior to go get him.”

20. “Oh my feelings. My quuuuaaaallllmmmss. I have all these qualms.”

21. “Natalie Portman would throw up if she saw you.”