21 Things Our Moms Never Had To Worry About
By Meg Kehoe
1. Jerks that hide behind internet anonymity.
2. Subtweets. Wait, was that subtweet aimed at me? Or am I just being paranoid? Oh god, what if it was about me? What if that other tweet the other day was a deep level subtweet? AHHHH.
3. If an ex-friend likes one of your Instagram photos, is she creating a new level of sub-social media-ing, by snarkily liking a humorous photo? Or is she actually trying to rebuild your friendship bridge?
4. How to find the email or phone number of someone who will actually a) read your email, b) pick up the phone, c) respond to you with genuine human interaction and not make you press three for more information 1,000 times.
5. Balancing a social life in the age of Netflix. (Anybody who has this figured out, give me a shout, k?)
6. How to survive without a smart phone. Yeah, your mom actually knows how to navigate a city without Siri in her ear. Oooh, witchcraft.
7. MY BOSS IS FOLLOWING ME ON TWITTER WHAT DO I DO, WHAT DO I DO, AHHH MUNDELEIN!
8. If I post something on Facebook while I’m at the office… is my boss going to see it later and call me out for posting something while I was supposed to be working on that membership database? Is my boss that crafty? Does my boss know how to work The Facebook?
9. What to do when you accidentally swiped right and meant to swipe left.
10. When you make eye contact with someone you definitely turned down on a dating website.
11. Saving face in the aftermath of a drunk text/tweet/dial/Snapchat. These are dark times, my child.
12. Recurring nightmares about hitting “Reply-All”.
13. Deciding which member of One Direction you would take with you to a desert island, if forced to choose only one. (Jk, my mom and I have totally had this conversation.)
14. Craigslist. Between the killer and that sketchy guy who wants to look at your couch… use the buddy system, okay?
15. Online shopping. Seriously, was online shopping created to ruin a young person’s bank account or what?
16. Was that a date? Or was it just hanging out… should I have stayed? Should I make the first move? Do I call him now? Do I wait for him to call me? Do not Facebook stalk him, self. I repeat, do not Facebook stalk him.
17. Am I a social media over-sharer? More importantly, do I care?
18. Now how do I delete all those pictures from my sorority days before I have that corporate job interview…
19. Maybe if I take that fourth internship and also become Mother Teresa, I will land a legit job with actual benefits. Maybe.
20. Who the hell took my name on Instagram? Oh hell no. SECURRITY.
21. Can I wear these leggings as pants, or?