22 Job Interview Questions I Hope They Don’t Ask Tomorrow
- Why did you leave your last job?
- Do you drink more than three alcoholic beverages a night?
- Can we look at the history of the internet sites you’ve recently visited on your computer?
- Yes or no, you’d like to see me take my pants off?
- Will you take your pants off?
- Do you really want this job because you’ll be good at it or did you just back yourself into a corner at your current job and need to make a change before you get fired?
- Is it true that you have a fear of the color brown and, by extension, UPS drivers?
- Why do you keep looking at my breasts/hairpiece/mole/zit/crotch?
- Can you explain the TV show Lost?
- Can you describe, in excruciating detail, your most awkward sexual experience?
- Can you tell us your greatest weakness but somehow spin it into something we will believe is actually a great strength?
- What is the sound of one hand clapping, or, put another way, do you think you’ve ever brought pleasure to a woman?
- If we were to hire you do you think you would continue your practice of stealing coffee, toilet paper, and binder clips from your previous jobs?
- Have you ever had a dream in which you totally made out with your best friend?
- Is it true you own a DVD of Postcards from the Edge and cried while watching it last night?
- Not that it matters, but have you ever measured your penis, or, more specifically, did you do so after watching Postcards from the Edge last night?
- Do you have any African-American or homosexual friends?
- Would you say you are an online pornography enthusiast?
- At your current job, did you eat co-worker Debbie Blaustein’s egg salad sandwich last Monday even though she clearly wrote “Deb’s!” on the bag?
- Can you please mime me your previous work experience?
- Do you find the terms “pontoon boat” or “tit mouse” amusing?
- Did you hook up with Melissa “The Pant Pissa” Reduto in ninth grade?
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