22 Things Only People Dedicated To Playing The Lottery Understand


1. There’s always a chance, no matter how minuscule that chance might be.

2. You’ve heard all the arguments from amateur statisticians and if they’ve convinced you of one thing, it’s that people who talk about statistics are the least fun breed.

3. Mark Twain said it best, anyway: “There are lies, damned lies, and statistics.”

4. The worst is when the Debby Downers of the world point out that your chances of winning are smaller than the probability of getting struck by lightning. Could they be any more clichéd?

5. It doesn’t matter if you’ve only ever had a ticket with one or two numbers that matched the winning sequence. You still eligible to win one day. And that’s the point.

6. If you are the next big winner, you know exactly what you’d do with the money. After all, every single lottery ticket affords you passage to Dreamland.

7. Of course, you’d spend a portion of your newfound wealth on a few extravagant items (an “it” bag, a Ferrari, and a new computer, maybe), but you’d be philanthropical, too.

8. If given the opportunity, you would definitely be the do-gooder type.

9. Some might argue that you’ve wasted hundreds of dollars a year (which could have gone to charity, conceivably) on lottery tickets, but the ability to dream (which has proven psychological benefits!), even if only for a few days, is truly priceless.

10. You’re not gambling so much as exercising your imagination.

11. The curse of the lotto, which has been known to transform many a contented Average Joe into depressive, raging crystal meth addicts, doesn’t concern you because you’re not the type to get lazy and bored or to lose your sense of purpose suddenly just because you have lots of money.

12. You’re not above hiding your lottery tickets from a skeptical boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse.

13. If you’re lucky enough to be partnered with someone who really gets it, you wake up on the day of every big drawing and ask: “So what are we gonna do with all the money, honey?”

14. You have at least one friend or family member you can rely on to alert you if and when a jackpot in the area climbs to $50 million or above.

15. You’re not above crossing state borders or standing in line for hours to get in on the action. You have to be in it to win it, after all!

16. The bigger the jackpot, the more tickets you have to buy. Duh.

17. Especially if the potential payoff is $100 million or greater, there’s absolutely no reason to buy one ticket when you can buy ten, twenty, or fifty.

18. You might as well increase your chances of winning, even if the multiplier effect only nudges your chances of winning up from .00000000001% to .0000000001%.

19. The best part about pooling funds with coworkers to buy tickets is imagining the look on your boss’ face when fifteen of their employees simultaneously quit.

20. The downside to a work pool is the depressing thought of dividing your hypothetical earnings. Not to mention, the potential for lawsuits and internal group fighting. (Whenever possible, you offer to be the person who holds onto all the original tickets.)

21. When you join a pool, you always purchase at least one ticket on the side to monitor all for yourself—just in case.

22. Whomever said money can’t make you happy probably didn’t have any, right?