22 Thoughts Every Girl Has While PMSing
By Johanna Mort
1. “That person hasn’t even spoken to me, but I wish they would fall down a manhole.”
2. “I’m making a fan page dedicated to sweatpants.”
3. “I HATE EVERYONE.”
4. “NO ONE LOVES ME.”
5. “I need to get out of this apartment or I’ll go insane.”
6. “…But I don’t want to interact with humans.”
7. “I’m never moving from this couch. Ever.”
8. “The only person that understands me is my cat.”
9. “I’m going to sit here all day and rewatch all of Orange Is The New Black and if anyone tries to interrupt me, I’ll go all Crazy Eyes on them.”
10. “But she’s NOT crazy. She’s Suzanne! It’s so unfair.”
11. “Why am I so horny??”
12. “It’s so cruel that I get this horny when I want nothing to do with human beings.”
13. “God, I’m bloated.”
14. “Breaking a diet when you’re PMSing doesn’t count, right?”
15. “I’m going to eat my entire fridge.”
16. “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.”
17. “OMG When did the first Harry Potter movie get so saaaaad?!”
18. “HE JUST MISSES HIS PARENTS.”
19. “WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?”
20. “Is it possible to die from cramps, because this might be it for me.”
21. “I think my body is actually trying to devour my insides.”
22. “If someone asks if I’m PMSing, I’ll scoop their eyeballs out with a spork.”