22 Undeniable Signs That You’re Not 22 Anymore

1. You get excited to decorate your apartment for Halloween or Christmas or Easter.

2. The amount of pizza you eat on a monthly basis has been cut in half. By choice.

3. Sometimes when your friend is having a hard time, you find yourself passing on your parents’ advice word for word. And then you’re like, Wow, I guess they actually knew what they were talking about.

4. Your taste in bars and weekend hangouts changes and becomes something along the lines of I’m looking for a bar where I can sit down and I don’t have to scream into my best friend’s ear in order to make sure they hear me. 

5. You wear an actual coat to the bar, and warm clothes if it’s cold outside.

6. Your home kind of looks like a real person lives there, with a kitchen table that has all four chairs and couches that have matching pillows, instead of a clusterfuck of couches from the seventies and a coffee table that you found on the sidewalk.

7. The amount of times you order delivery every week has decreased by approximately 62%.

8. The comfortableness of your shoes has increased by approximately 82%.

9. You have specific candles for specific seasons of the year.

10. You “making a meal” does not involve putting a bagel in the toaster or pouring cereal into a bowl.

11. Your Saturday mornings no longer involve sleeping until two and being worthless. Usually, you’re up grocery shopping, running errands, or doing something else adultish, because sleeping in past nine or ten is seriously difficult for you.

12. You have a spice rack and/or cabinet.

13. You have decorations in your room that aren’t just ridiculous posters or drinking memorabilia.

14. You actually call your parents a decent amount of time to say hi and catch up, instead of them having to call you once every two weeks just to make sure you’re still alive.

15. If you have younger siblings or cousins and you’re saying good bye to them before they head to, or head back to, college, you find yourself saying to them, “Have fun, but don’t be an idiot.”

16. You have plans to join a book club. Even though this will probably never happen, you still have the intention of trying.

17. When your friend hands you a shot at the bar, you refuse to take it if it’s blue, purple, pink, or any other kind of color that you know will lead to vomming. So instead, you pretend you seriously have to pee and you run to the bathroom until all of these shot shenanigans are over.

18. Going to a “late movie” on a weeknight means going to something that starts around eight or nine – you can’t do any of this ‘midnight premiere’ stuff anymore, unless you want to spend half the time fighting to stay awake.

19. Most of the things you get excited about now are things you didn’t even think about in college, like paying off your credit card on time and getting into bed before ten o’clock.

 20. “Household chores” is no longer a game of which one of us has the least amount of homework and is just going to suck it up and clean, but only because we have one spoon left? Instead, you sort of enjoy doing the dishes or Swiffering the floor, because you know it means your home is going to feel clean, organized, and peaceful.

21. A hangover does not mean you wake up, complain that you have a headache, go get food with friends, and then go about your day like a functional, normal person anyway.

22. …Instead, a hangover means that you wake up, momentarily think you’re actually dead, take one hour to crawl from your bed to your couch, order delivery, and then spend the next two days never going outside because the fresh air is just too much.