23 Reasons Why Women Aren’t Smiling, Even Though You Keep Telling Us To


Chill, meninists. It’s just a joke. Kind of.

1. Because being on birth control is the worst.

2. Because not being on birth control is the worst.

3. Because they give us less meat at Chipotle.

4. Because tampons cost too much money.

5. Because half the tampons we buy escape out of their zippered pockets and migrate to the tampon graveyard of torn wrapping at the bottom of our twelve different bags.

6. Because we’re always the ones to say “sorry” when dudes run into us on the sidewalk.

7. Because of all the times we’ve run down the stairs without wearing a bra.

8. Because we’re being guilted into attending our coworker’s Mary Kay party.

9. Because the Mary Kay representative will passive-aggressively tell us we should probably buy everything in order to fix our face.

9. Because Spanx are uncomfortable.

10. Because sometimes your stories are boring and we have a lot of shit to do.

11. Because our uterus is destroying us today and 4-5 other days out of the month.

12. Because walking alone in the dark is terrifying and right now it’s dark pretty much ALL THE TIME.

13. Because we’ve already seen too many penises on public transportation.

14. Because pepper spray is illegal in certain areas, meaning we’re S.O.L.

15. Because 40+ hours a week for 77 cents is dumb.

16. Because “No Panty Lines” underwear is a LIE, damnit.

17. Because we’re still not over Denny Duquette’s death from back when we still watched Grey’s Anatomy. 

18. Because Resting Bitch Face is a serious condition that affects 26.7% of American women.

19. Because putting on lip gloss and going outside on a windy day is a death sentence to our hair.

20. Because of fuckboys.

21. Because we’re confused about our newfound sexual feelings towards Justin Bieber.

22. Because period poops.

23. Because this bye.