23 Thoughts Every Normal Human Being Has While Working An Office Job


1. 8 hours. I can do this. I’ve spent 8 hours watching Grey’s Anatomy before and I wasn’t even getting paid to do that. Fuck, now I just want to watch Grey’s Anatomy.

2. Maybe if I strategically minimize my browser, my co-workers won’t see me watching Grey’s Anatomy.

3. Shit, they saw me. Play it cool. Crack your neck. You were just doing some serious research and Netflix spam popped up…weird!!!

4. IT’S ONLY 8:15 a.m?

5. Well if I go to the furthest bathroom from my cubicle, do my business, and come back, it’ll be 8:30 then. Let’s go do that.

6. Speaking of my cubicle…I need to spruce this baby up. I still have November 7th on my whiteboard…it is March 4th.

7. Arrive back to desk and look, work!!

8. Examines work…hmmm I could bang this out in 30 minutes. But I’m going to stretch this out until my lunch break.

9. Work a little. Create new Spotify playlist. Check Twitter. Pretend to look like I’m an established human being. Repeat for 2 hours.

10. LUNCH!!! Time to watch Grey’s Anatomy in peace.

11. Aaaaand just like that, all good things come to an end.

12. Alright, three hours until freedom. But for whatever reason, time stands still here.

13. I wonder if other people are watching Netflix strategically or if they actually have shit to do. Maybe they do both? I mean, we’re meant to be skilled multi-taskers. That was a job requirement.

14. I’m sitting here listening to ‘I’m In Love with a Stripper’ and the VP of the company just passed by. Why am I laughing?

15. I should check Facebook and see what everyone is up to.

16. Well, three people just got engaged. Soooo lets refrain from Facebook for a little.

17. Speaking of engagement, I should update my Pinterest wedding board just in case.

18. Ugh, someone is hacking up a lung right now. I can just feel myself getting sick. Maybe I can call off tomorrow?

19. 1 hour left. I should go to the cafeteria and get that donut I was eyeing up before. I mean, I deserve it after a hard day’s work.

20. Got talking with the cafeteria lady about some pointless shit for a solid 45 minutes.

21. Got back to my desk and ate well-deserved donut. Looked at clock—only 10 minutes left.

22. Time to shut everything down and pack up my belongings.

23. Say farewell to co-workers with a smile on my face—I survived another day.

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