23 Thoughts You Have When You Shop At H&M

1. “Oh, look, they’ve gotten another mega-supermodel for their current campaign.”

2. “I’ll never be able to wear what she’s wearing. I mean, she’s a supermodel.”

3. “I mean, maybe…? Maybe the maxi-dress.”

4. “Wait. Since when did H&M get so expensive?!”

5. “$150 for a dress? At H&M? Like, this here H&M I am in right now?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAALKJDFLKDJFAHAHAHA.”

6. “… It is kind of cute, though. Maybe when it goes on sale.”

7. “If I ever spend more than $60 on a single piece of clothing here, so help me God.”

8. “$20 pants, YUSSSSSS.”

9. “Maybe I should just get that T-shirt in one in every color. Streamline it. Minimize it. A uniform, with rotating colors. I could be a clothing chameleon!”

10. “$5 cotton v-neck? WELP, I’mma need me 7 of these.”

11. *waits in an eNdLeSs line for the dressing room*

12. “Hold up. There is no way these pants are cut right. That’s a mislabel. Miss? Miss? This isn’t an 8, is it?”

13. “God, working at H&M is the 9th circle of hell.” (This is primarily thought while smashing sweater hanger back into overcrowded hanger rack, causing the sweater to fall to the floor.)

14. “Am I doing something wrong with my life because I’m not shopping in the corporate business suiting section?”

15. “Am I doing something wrong with my life because I’m not matching my underwear to the corresponding frilly push-up bra?”

16. “Am I doing something wrong because I don’t find this weird black-and-neon-pink abstract pattern cute?!!?”

17. “Why the hell am I here, none of this is really like, cute cute. I’m just shopping for the sake of shopping, right?”

18. “Ohmigod but no, wait, I can make that werq.”

19. “Do I really need these heels? I mean, they’re only $40, but am I even going to be able to WALK in them?”

20. “Do I really need $12 sneakers?”

21. “Wait, but I do need socks.” *loads up on 3 5-packs of peds in the little fun-buy bins they conveniently place next to the registers*

22. *waits in checkout line FoReVeR*

23. “Oh, wait. I needed a dress for my aunt’s wedding. Crap. Guess I’ll have to come back next week. Maybe they’ll have a cute little midi skirt by then. My life would definitely start to go right if I had one of those.”