24 Things That’ll Happen When You’re 24

1. You start eating like a normal person and workout regularly, or at least try to.

2. Except when you’re eating entire sleeves of Thin Mints that you bought 6 boxes of from the Girl Scout who lives down the hall.

3. Which you enjoy while catching up up on the phone with your friends about how crazy your lives are now and yes, you totally need to do lunch or cocktails soon, girls weekend, reconnect, sounds great, talk to you again in six months.

4. Speaking of trying to be healthy, every time you workout now it feel like something broke. You feel great at the time then wake up paralyzed. Ever get so sore that you can’t sit down on the toilet?

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5. You’re at a weird transitional stage, where you’re old enough to have no clue what “bae” means but young (read: savvy) enough to look it up on Urban Dictionary before anyone notices.

6. You’re the youngest person in the office, so no matter what you went to school for, you also run the company Facebook page.

7. And occasionally field calls from your 60-something boss asking you to explain things like Twitter and hashtags, because he wants to vote on The Voice.

8. When did malls become so stressful?

9. Your dating age range now falls somewhere between, “you saw Teen Witch before it was added to Netflix, right?” and, “you have Netflix, right?”

Source: via Buzzfeed

10. You’ve started to seriously question our generation’s choices, like why we all ever used Herbal Essences shampoo? Were those low-budget, R-rated commercials really *that* effective?

11. You’ve begun making life-altering realizations, like that if you refrigerate your crackers it cools down your soup faster.

12. You’ve made at least one pro/con list for whether or not you should start a podcast.

13. You’ll accidentally zoom-in to 110% on your laptop, and decide you like it better that way.

14. Your doctor will diagnose you with latent-lactose-intolerance, and when you use Google to find out if you’re doctor is a crack head, you find an article that begins with” “You might love milk, but as you age, sometimes milk stops loving you back.”

15. You’ll get in a fight with a karaoke bar attendant because “Supernova Girl” isn’t an option, and realize the need to start taking inventory of your emotional and mental well-being.

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16. You’ll haphazardly Google Devon Sawa and be pleasantly surprised that you’d still go for it. You’ll also start following him on Twitter.

17. You begin training yourself to not react to your friends pregnancy news by immediately comforting them anymore.

18. Half the time you spend at bars now is just pretending to hear conversations.

19. You start growing single, long-black hairs in various areas of your body that appear over night, which makes no sense because you’re a blonde. Seriously, nobody warns you about this. Nobody. But here they are. Like a Catherine wheel of unexpected follicles.

20. You eventually succumb to moving back home because you majored in English, and are thoroughly unemployable.

21. You find out that your old Lifeguarding job from high school just opened back up, and take it because it pays more than your last office-job did.

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22. The thought of adding Chemistry Minor to your résumé will cross your mind, since you are competent in taking readings of a pool’s chlorine and pH levels.

23. You just can’t stop thinking about how Channing Tatum really could have done more for Amanda Bynes.

24. You will genuinely almost punch someone you just met at a party, because they said they were HASHTAG TEAM RILEY. How’s that emotional inventory coming along??

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Aging is weird, and I am finally at an age where I’m actually aware of the physical wear and tear of just being alive. No, I’m not old, but I’m not nineteen anymore. I’m at an age where I’m still young, but also at a point where I need to start taking care of myself in a really real way. Maybe I do need to floss, and moisturize, drink more water, workout regularly, eat better, stop cracking my knuckles, sleep eight hours or whatever.

I don’t know, but I better appreciate this when I’m older—I just watched a video about how to silently open Velcro. What is it about being on the internet at 4 a.m. that makes you do shit like this? I didn’t even question why doing that might be weird until after I finished.