25 Lies You Tell Yourself On Monday Morning

1. I’m going to get out of bed and absolutely will not snooze my alarm because I don’t have time.

2. I’ll become one of those people who puts their phone across the room so it forces me to get out of bed and turn my alarm off. Or I’ll buy multiple alarm clocks and strategically place them around my room. That always works on TV.

3. It’s fine that I didn’t grocery shop last night because I’ll definitely make time to go today.

4. I’m going to get networking drinks this week with the new girl in the office. I’ll go introduce myself later today.

5. I’m going to drink more water this week. I always say I’m going to hydrate more so I’ll bring a water bottle with me everywhere I go and fill it up intermittently throughout the day. I should also buy a water jug for my desk.

6. I’m going to be more patient with the girl who follows me around at work and always insists on being right even though she sounds like she has no idea what she’s talking about.

7. I’m not going to drink unnecessary amounts of alcohol this week. Like, I can have a drink at happy hour but I won’t let myself have a glass of wine when I get home just because I’m stressed.

8. I’m totally going to unpack my suitcase from a few weeks ago tonight after I get back from the grocery store.

9. And then after that, I’ll tidy up my closest. Once upon a time I had this great organizational thing going in my closest and it’s really fallen by the wayside. That ends this week.

10. My boss is going to be in a good mood when I get to work.

11. I’m going to make coffee at home everyday this week and not spend any money at Starbucks.

12. Tomorrow morning I’m going to get to the office before 9 a.m. and get all the way through my inbox before anyone else on my team comes in.

13. During my lunch hour, I’m going to stop by the gym and get the class schedule for the week so that I can plan out when I’ll go to spinning.

14. At least one day this week I’m going to buy a juice for lunch and nothing else and see if I can actually make it through the day on just juice.

15. I’m NOT going to watch the entire fifth season of Friends this week. I’m going to savor my rewatch by spreading out the seasons.

16. I’m going to wake up early enough to do my hair properly every morning before work.

17. I’m NOT going to wear sweatpants to class today.

18. Actually, I’m already late. Okay, new plan. I’m not going to wear sweatpants to class tomorrow.

19. This week I’ll start a new podcast to listen to on my commute, instead of just listening to Ryan’s Roses every morning.

20. I’m going to start looking a new [job / apartment / significant other] this week.

21. I’m going to reach out to my mom’s sister’s friend’s cousin this week about an open position in the new start-up she’d mentioned. I’ll Google the name of her company first.

22. I’m going to save money by buying enough food to cook at home for every meal. I will not go out to eat or get take-out for at least 7 days.

23. I’m going to buy a date book and start writing down people’s birthdays, important events and all of my plans for the week. I’m old enough that I shouldn’t need my parent’s to call me and remind me that it’s my grandmother’s birthday.

24. I’m going to be on time to every class today and actually take notes. Then I’ll type them up and pass them around to my friends.

25. I’ll do a better job of hiding my Spotify screen from my boss. I’m never going to be promoted to a desk where no one can see my screen if everyone catches on to the fact that I spend most of my workday making new playlists.