25 Things You Could Do Instead Of Catcall A Woman
By Ari Eastman
1. Politely smile.
2. Go for a walk and listen to Justin Bieber’s new album, Purpose, in entirety.
3. Make a fun decorative plate at Color Me Mine.
4. Masturbate in the privacy of your own home.
5. Read a book by Toni Morrison.
6. Analyze 2 Chainz lyrics and discuss them with your closest friends.
7. Write a poem or short story that starts with the line: “I never knew this would happen.”
8. Apologize to anyone you’ve been meaning to apologize to.
9. Fall into a Wikipedia hole and learn something new about Gary Busey.
10. Google, “Was American Idol on for 456 seasons?”
11. Ask Siri questions about your own anatomy.
12. Dig up an old yearbook and immediately contact all those people who said, “Stay in touch!”
13. Don’t change the channel when a Sarah McLachlan commercial comes on and let those tears fall freely.
14. Text your crush.
15. Text your crush this video of Fennec fox babies.
16. Try jogging like Phoebe.
17. Trace your family roots. Contact your older relatives (if you can) and ask to hear stories you’ve never heard before.
18. Get rid of those clothes that don’t fit you anymore. The holidays are here, who are you trying to fool?
19. Go bowling.
20. Remember that bowling is really not as fun as people pretend it is.
21. Write a Ryan Gosling-ish letter to your first love, but don’t mail it.
22. Go to a sushi restaurant and ask how you can go about getting a sushi roll named after you.
23. Create a Tumblr page for your dog.
24. Turn your laptop off when you read something that upsets you. Go outside.
25. Keep walking.