26 Things Every Guy Is Thinking When They Hit On You


Not every guy is aggressively flirtatious. For every catcaller on the street, there’s a thousand Woody Allens. The difference is, you know what the catcaller is thinking.

The other guy? Not so much. He’s too much of a nervous wreck thinking of the ten thousand ways saying “hi” could go wrong, that he never even manages to produce the word.

Sure, men will definitely warm up to someone and let our hair down after we start talking to them, it’s just getting over that first hump that’s the problem.

So for all those times you thought a guy might be interested in you, but decided he wasn’t because he hasn’t said a word, here’s what was going through his head.

1. Notice attractive woman in coffee shop.

2. She smiles in your general direction.

3. Imagine entire life together.

4. Logically deduce that happily ever after requires talking to her first.

5. Immediately discard the preposterous notion of that ever happening.

6. Remember that you know words.

7. In the same language she likely speaks, too. What serendipity!

8. Decide you will build up the confidence to compliment her. Today … probably.

9. After much internal bargaining, settle on at least saying hi.

10. Realize that confidence and charisma isn’t a thing that you have.

11. Resolve to pretend to be someone with confidence and hope that will be close enough.

12. Finally get up the nerve to say something.

13. Oh wait, she’s about to get in line to order. I can’t go up to her now, it might be awkward.

14. She’s looking at her phone while waiting for her coffee. I can’t go up to her now, it might be awkward.

15. She’s almost done with her coffee and might want to order another. I can’t go up to her now, it might be awkward.

16. I’m me. I can’t go up to her now, it might be awkward.

17. Decide that you’re hesitant because you’re unprepared. Resolve to mentally practice a compliment before going over to her table.

18. Imagine how the compliment would play out.

19. Predict the 4878549375 ways it will go badly.

20. Prepare the perfect response to each that will turn the situation in your favor.

21. “Sir, we’re closed. You have to leave now.”

22. Look out window to see that the sun has set while you spent this entire time inside your own head.

23. Leave coffee shop.

24. Attempt to leave planet.

25. Hope she’ll be there again tomorrow.

26. If yes, return to 1.