29 Things I Shouldn’t Be Doing At 29

1. Get up after a seven hour Netflix binge and wonder where my day went.

2. Drink until four in the morning, especially if I have any plan to do something productive the next day.

3. Look at Instagram or Facebook or Twitter when I should be asleep.

4. Sniff a shirt to determine its cleanliness.

5. Hookup with someone just because I’m lonely.

6. Believe anyone who says we are just going to one bar.

7. Go buy more socks to avoid doing laundry.

8. Text any member of the opposite sex after midnight.

9. Ever take that shot of Jäger, even if it is free. (Can also be substituted with any type of tequila)

10. Continuing to put effort into toxic relationships.

11. Shameless use of the winky emoticon.

12. Leave my laundry in a pile on my couch for days once I actually do it.

13. Expecting my finances to “just work themselves out”.

14. Download Tinder…or Bumble…again.

15. Eating out instead of going grocery shopping.

16. Being wildly ungrateful.

17. Eating an entire large pizza in one sitting…multiple times a week.

18. Wonder if now is the right time for me and that person…again.

19. Be surprised that it isn’t.

20. Assuming that check engine light is probably fine.

21. Using junk food to cope.

22. Decide alcohol is better than junk food.

23. Thinking I can make that drive in ten minutes when I know full well it will take me thirty.

24. Impulse buy books, movies, or video games multiple times a month.

25. Make any significant life choices when emotional.

26. Consider a cup of coffee and a strawberry pop tart a well-balanced breakfast.

27. Spend hours at the beach without sunscreen.

28. Taking my gas light as a challenge.

29. Excessive use of the words “dude”, “shawty”, “bro”, and “fam”.