3 Dating Rules My Crazy Mom Told Me


When I was a young teenager and just starting to date boys my crazy mother sat me down to warn me of the dangers in dating. Of all of the terrible things that can go wrong she only had 3 rules she felt the need to hand down to me. They still make me laugh and have stuck with me over the years even if I didn’t always abide by them.

1. Don’t date a boy that has a motorcycle.

  Oh, mom. Doesn’t every girl want to date a guy with a motorcycle? She did.  She also has the story and burn mark on her leg from when they wrecked and the bike scalded her leg.  This one still doesn’t sit well with me though and I’ve absolutely crushed on guys that had motorcycles. I mean have you seen Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy?

2. Don’t date a boy that drives an old VW Beetle.

She had a cousin die in a car accident while driving a VW Beetle.  I begged for one when I was 16 and was never allowed to get it.  I was a hippie that wore bellbottoms, had hair down to my ass, and would have loved to have this car to finish off my hippie lifestyle. “No, they aren’t safe” and “Nothing with an engine in the back” were the only responses I ever got.  Yes, I totally lusted after a boy that drove one once and the forbidden fruit made the crush even more exciting.  He also had a motorcycle.

3. Don’t date a boy that likes Woody Allen movies.

 This one still makes me laugh.  I think I asked her why one time and she responded with, “They are not right.  Neurotic.  It’s not a good sign, Jackie”. I have to admit that I have a lot of great guy friends that really like Woody Allen movies and I do appreciate his work as well but I have never dated a Woody Allen fanatic.  I like to think that she dated a guy once, he was an absolute freak, was also a huge Woody Allen fan, and she stored that information in the back of her brain as a reminder to warn her daughter one day.