3 Things That Make Living In The South Difficult For Liberals


I grew up in the South in a liberal family. We were Midwestern transplants but embraced the South with its kindness, its slow pace, and its culture. There are so many wonderful and beautiful aspects of this part of the country that I wouldn’t trade for the world. But, as I’ve grown older I’ve found there are still some traditional ideals that make it difficult for me to be a liberal, tomboy, and non-religious woman in the South.

1. Some churches still preach obedience of the wife to the husband.

Fuck that. How about my husband and I will respect each other and leave the obedience to my dog training? I’ve been to my share of dinners where the men get up from the table to go watch football as soon as they finish eating while the women are left to clear the table and do all of the dishes after having prepared the entire meal. I want to watch football too. I work 45 hours a week, run two blogs, an online vintage shoe store, and help run an internet radio station while doing a weekly show that takes hours every week to prepare for. The last thing I want to do when invited to a dinner is get stuck in the fucking kitchen doing dishes just because I’m a woman. I suck at doing dishes at my own house. Why would I want to do yours? Everyone should help with the meal and with the clean up. Oh, and the “get in the kitchen, woman” jokes…they aren’t funny.

2. The whole praying before eating thing has always perplexed me too.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with religion or with praying before you eat if that’s your thing. But, when you’re sitting across the table from me and just assume I’m down with it is a little presumptuous. I’ve been in restaurants with a large group and they’ve all bowed their heads and started in on a prayer while I’m chewing on my first bite of delicious food, stopping to bow my head out of respect and guiltily looking around to see if anyone else is holding a bite of food in their mouth too. I’ve also been to a few business lunches where the client has wanted to pray before their lunch. Of course, it’s business and I’m not a bitch, but I was definitely not comfortable with the idea. I’ll bow my head and know that it makes them feel better, but it’s a lie. I don’t mean those things and it’s really not fair to ask me to do it if I don’t believe it. I might suggest that if it means so much to you then just do a small silent prayer to yourself before you eat and not make others uncomfortable.

3. The typical older Southern woman and I have some MAJOR problems carrying a conversation beyond the initial meet and greet.

The older generation does not understand my need to play in loud rock bands, not plan a wedding, have tattoos, and not have children. Yes, I ran off to Vegas so I didn’t have to plan a wedding. Yes, I’m married, but that doesn’t mean I want children. Yes, I stay up late and go to shitty bars to see bands play and perform in them myself. No, I don’t have any problems with children or traditional weddings or getting to bed at a decent hour. I just don’t want that for myself. I’m sorry I took any of those conversation topics away from you, but it is my life and I’m happy with the way it is going so far. After 12 years of marriage, the questions have started to subside thankfully. But, I was at the point of responding to “When are you going to have kids?” with “I’m sterile. Don’t ask me again” even though that’s not true.