30 Things I Learned My First Time At Coachella


1. I apparently look like someone you should ask for a molly hookup

2. Other people apparently just yell “anyone got any molly?!” to the crowd

3. You can sit anywhere if you don’t care about being in the way

4. Seriously, you can just plop down in an aisle in a beer garden or just next to a garbage or wherever

5. Lots of people have butts that you can see almost all of

6. People can find creative ways to be racist. Dear White Couple dressed as “Egyptian” people, didn’t you learn anything from Katy Perry’s “Dark Horse” video?

7. $8 for a Heineken seems reasonable

8. Oh it’s actually $9? That’s cool.

9. The oldest Haim sister is my favorite

10. Actually I love them all, that youngest one is so feisty

11. You CAN get contact high in outdoor areas

12. Busta Rhymes has gained WEIGHT

13. Gatsby is right and large parties are more intimate

14. The key to walking around is pretending no one else matters except you

15. All the dudes bought their button downs at Forever 21

16. I know this because I did some shopping there and am very familiar

17. All the girls bought everything in that sunflower print from American Apparel

18. Oh, I DO know MGMT songs

19. There are an EXCESSIVE amount of people who in 2014 think wearing Native American headdresses are a good idea

20. I also know Foster the People songs

21. There are approximately 8 fajillion different types of floral headbands

22. The Pet Shop Boys are awesome

23. The Sahara tent is where all the lasers are

24. I apparently hate EDM

25. I don’t mind “Happy” as long as it’s being performed live after a great Pharrell set

26. The chicken strips are disappointing

27. If you overhear a girl talk about the corn being “f*cking bomb” you definitely should try it because it is

28. Easter + 4/20 + the last day of Coachella = bunny ears and pot paraphernalia

29. At least two dudes had the thought, “yea, I should DEF dress up as Jesus for the last day!”

30. Seriously, so many butts