31 Signs You’re The Kramer Of Your Friend Group
By Lance Pauker
1. Nobody’s quite sure if your fashion sense is phenomenally outdated, or blazingly cutting edge.
2. You constantly propose business ideas that your friends immediately dismiss as outrageous. Secretly though, you can tell they’re kinda into them.
3. It’s understood that you’re not gonna pay your friends back. You’ve somehow cultivated this character flaw into an endearing quality.
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4. If there’s an odd job that needs to be done around your house or apartment, it’s your time to shine.
5. You give tours of your city better than licensed tour guides.
6. If you ever got a stable, well paying job, your friends would probably lose tremendous respect for you.
7. You have a knack for buying luxury items from shady places, which you think is the natural way of doing things.
8. You’ve long since transcended traditional standards of punctuality. It’s understood that you may arrive anywhere from an hour early, to two hours late.
9. You don’t scavenge for leftovers. Leftovers conveniently come to you.
10. You tweet at companies angrily, which usually ends with you getting free stuff and/or a date with the person who manages that twitter account.
11. Your odd noise/screech game is off the charts.
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12. You’re irrationally obsessed with beautification products that nobody has ever heard of, and are probably illegal.
13. You believe in outrageous conspiracy theories, which somehow purport just enough vague evidence to ensure they can’t be disproved.
14. You have a wardrobe full of ideas on how to best capitalize on eventual weed legalization.
15. You’re weirdly friends with decently famous people, which nobody questions because they’re legitimately terrified of hearing the accompanying long-winded story.
16. You still own a flip phone. But you also know the newest iPad, which hasn’t even come out yet.
17. You’re the undisputed master of foolhardy “get rich quick” schemes.
18. Your friends never really ask to hang out at your apartment, mostly out of fear.
19. One of your biggest assets is your dependable clumsiness.
20. Nobody in your friend group really knows how you guys started being friends in the first place.
21. Your honesty, while genuine, has a knack of getting you in serious trouble.
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22. You’re not that religious, but you’re a prime candidate to get lured into some outrageous cult.
23. Of all your friends, you’re probably the most likely to have a shotgun wedding.
24. Nobody would be too surprised if you suddenly moved across the country without notifying anyone.
25. Nobody knows that much about your upbringing, which is more of a calculated strategy than anything.
26. You are far and away the most elusive of the roommates.
27. You have supersonic hearing, and can be heartwarmingly oblivious to overall room moods.
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28. Your social interactions are unorthodox to the point that it’s only a matter of time until things get extremely uncomfortable.
29. If you ever did a local news interview, there’s about a 99% chance it’d go mega-viral.
30. You have the rare ability to befriend anyone. Even the soup nazi.
31. You don’t knock. Ever.