35 Steps For Meeting A Cute Guy And Successfully Asking Him Out
1. Get invited to brunch by a friend to meet her roommates.
2. Take a quick look at the table full of strangers and spot him.
3. Say “yum” to yourself.
4. Say “ew” to yourself for having objectified a person by saying “yum”.
5. Don’t be too hard on yourself. He is hot.
6. Try to be as interesting as you can during brunch topics of conversation. Talk about cats. Cats are always a winner amongst millennials.
7. Hate the girl that ~you think~ is dating him because you feel some sort of tension between them.
8. Realize that even if she found him first, she’s still pretty cool and the joke that she just said was actually really funny.
9. Be invited to their roommate weekly dinner parties.
10. Re-think your wardrobe a million times and end up choosing the one that shows off the most skin. And when at said dinner parties, try to casually sit next to or in front of him.
11. Sit next to him at the couch when you are playing taboo after dinner. Punch him on his arm gently when he says a taboo word.
12. Use his first and last name when talking to him. Behave like an eighth grader.
13. Stare at him from afar and stare at him from up close. Say a clever joke when he catches you staring at him.
14. Be less creepy.
15. Correct him if he pronounces your name incorrectly. Then, in your head, yell at yourself because you just corrected him. He doesn´t have to naturally know how to properly pronounce the G in Spanish if he in fact does not speak Spanish.
16. Ask your friend, his roommate, if he’s dating someone. Find out nothing, other than his really private nature.
17. Try to date someone else. Think of him while on said dates.
18. Ask your friend and her roommates to a dinner party at your place and show off your skills (“skills”, ugh).
19. Get a “thank you for a great dinner” text from him the next morning.
20. Challenge the gender-appropriate-notions you were brought up with as a child and think of a way of asking him out regardless.
21. Stop yourself and consider that he might just be that polite and that texting you doesn’t really mean that he likes you back.
22. Consider also that him texting you might, in fact, mean something.
23. Replay in your head that time when you two talked and he kept casually touching your arm ever so slightly.
24. Glow at the realization that he had to get your number from his roommate.
25. Grow a pair and think of a funny way of asking him out.
26. Take two days and come up with a witty e-mail with a list of plenty of options for him to answer, reasons why it’s a good idea you two go out and why it’s totally cool if he says no. Promise no awkwardness.
27. Lie.
28. Send.
29. Scream in your head after you hit send.
30. Try to go back to work.
31. Let it sink in you the fact that he probably didn’t get your number from his roommate but from the e-mail you sent out to everybody with directions to your apartment and….yes…your phone number.
32. Panic.
33. Scream some more.
34. Get a text from him that says “That was an epic e-mail. Of course I’ll go out with you!”.
35. Breathe.
Well, to be completely honest, I trust your education to realize that these might have just worked for me. I have not much more to offer than random acts of bravery and awesomeness (yup, I said that), that I am able to later sustain through comedy.
Anyway, should you come across such beautiful and amazing ginger as I did, who knows? Start drafting that date e-mail, IT WILL WORK.