35 Things My 5-8 Year Old Has Said
By Laneia Jones
2010
eli: “laneia! tomorrow let’s go to america!” me: “we’re already in america.” eli: “oh. let’s go to target then.”
— laneia(@grrreen) November 20, 2010
“Tomorrow… is today! Whoa, wait. Maybe tomorrow is Wednesday.” -Eli
— laneia(@grrreen) November 29, 2010
eli: who was at the door? / me: the UPS man. / eli: my ps man? i have a ps man?
— laneia(@grrreen) December 22, 2010
2011
eli: “GUESS WHAT! when i ask people on this earth a question, i am always waiting for someone to say ‘good question’ and today they did!”
— laneia(@grrreen) April 6, 2011
“i like your face.” – eli
— laneia(@grrreen) April 10, 2011
eli, on the phone w/ my mom: “sorry, i’m in the middle of banging my head on this chair. what did you say?” <— THIS
— laneia(@grrreen) April 24, 2011
“chocolate bunnies don’t have a penis.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) April 25, 2011
eli: “here is your order! it’s GLUTEN! hurry up and eat it because everything else is gonna be gluten-free.” #processing
— laneia(@grrreen) May 5, 2011
“this is more stupid than a dead cheetah!” – eli
— laneia(@grrreen) May 10, 2011
“everything’s better than applesauce.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) May 26, 2011
“i see the lady who got ran over by the car!!” -eli #theoffice
— laneia(@grrreen) May 27, 2011
“your eyebrows are inappropriate.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) May 28, 2011
“this book wants us to buy this book.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) August 10, 2011
“THE GLOVES ARE OFF” -eli, holding gloves
— laneia(@grrreen) August 19, 2011
“it’s sweaty in here.” -eli #busterbluth
— laneia(@grrreen) August 24, 2011
“if i was fiber, i would try not to take things away from people.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) September 9, 2011
“i can just put my head in the oven.” -eli, on the best way to dry hair after a shower
— laneia(@grrreen) September 11, 2011
“and then, at the center of the earth, there was a tomato. and everyone got sucked into the tomato, because it was a tomato. TORNADO!” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) October 14, 2011
“and then at the end, you act like a real person.” -eli, on how to drink apple juice
— laneia(@grrreen) December 30, 2011
2012
eli: “get your mmmama, mama jeeeans string, mama mama mmmama. mama strinnng.” slade: “do you even know what you’re talking about.”
— laneia(@grrreen) January 9, 2012
“i’m singing a song on your head so you’ll get the song stuck in your head.” -eli #logic
— laneia(@grrreen) January 13, 2012
“can you put a sharpened pencil in the freezer?” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) January 24, 2012
eli: “it’s like raisins are dried up grapes!” slade: “raisins ARE dried up grapes.” eli: “ok that’s gross.”
— laneia(@grrreen) March 8, 2012
eli: “67, 68, 69” me: “why is he counting?” mko: “i told him he had 6 seconds to get his pjs on, and he just kept counting” eli: “91, 92..”
— laneia(@grrreen) March 14, 2012
eli, standing on his bed, foam sword pointed toward the ceiling fan, where his underwear sits, saying “lord what have i done?”
— laneia(@grrreen) April 5, 2012
“sometimes i feel like ‘little big planet’ was made in 1971.” -eli #sometimes
— laneia(@grrreen) April 6, 2012
“shoes are like suitcases for your feet.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) May 3, 2012
“what i really want to do is go to china and get [toy], but i don’t think they’d understand our money.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) August 7, 2012
“oh yeah? well this is my CHAMPION trophy, and you don’t have one because you didn’t eat a thousand chickens.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) September 3, 2012
“who came up with ‘second best’? it doesn’t even rhyme.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) November 28, 2012
2013
“i have two worst enemies: writing and tomatoes.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) February 7, 2013
“you could call me the jelly bean hunter, until i don’t feel comfortable with it anymore.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) April 2, 2013
“yes, i would like a pickle. or, as i like to call them, giant relish.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) April 3, 2013
“this is so good! laneia i’m so proud of you!!” – eli (i made honey mustard)
— laneia(@grrreen) April 10, 2013
“i think i shouldn’t have accepted that agreement.” -eli
— laneia(@grrreen) April 26, 2013
This post is part of Tao Lin Day. To read more posts in this series, click here.