36 Deal Breakers (If I Were A Man)


1. If she doesn’t recognize that I respect myself and others and deserve the same in return, she should get lost.

2. Drug addicts and alcoholics [who are still far from sober] need not apply. With the way I care about people, I just couldn’t handle it.

3.  Narcissism.

4. If she’s anti-adoption.

5. If she consistently tries to tell me what to do with my hair and clothes.

6. A woman who lies a lot. If you won’t be honest about past mistakes or what music you like or your relationship with your mother, then you’ve written yourself off the list for relationship material.

7. If I can hear everything she chews.

8. If she makes drinks for each of us and expects me to stir mine with my finger.

9. No matter how much I may care about a person, intense possessiveness and jealousy will make me push for my space in ways that other person won’t like.

10. If she wants to mother me and can’t break out of the [bad] habit.

11. Being intentionally, lazily unemployed is a really bad sign.

12. I can’t be more than friends with a profoundly insecure person. See #9.

13. If I suggest plans she doesn’t like or if I or one of my friends offends her, she should be comfortable with telling me so.

 14. Racism.

15. Homophobia.

16. If she hates dogs.

17. If she hates cuddling.

18. She couldn’t expect me to be draped over her or holding her often when we’re trying to fall asleep.

19. If she dresses very inappropriately for special occasions.

20. If she cares very little for her physical health.

21. If nothing that happens between us can stay between us.

22. If she never, ever gives me compliments.

23. It’s a big problem if I’m always the one paying or offering to cook.

24. If she throws the term “I love you” around very early in our relationship, my guard will be up.

25. If she isn’t into mixing things up during kissing or sex.

26. If she says that high school was the best time of her life.

27.  If she likes to say “totes”, “adorbs”, and/or “wratched”.

28. If she thinks Drake is a good musician.

29. If she dislikes that I’m so family oriented.

30. If she’s a chain-smoker.

31. If I am supposed to be impressed by her SAT score.

32. If she’s obnoxiously bitter about men.

33. If she pressures me to open myself up to her completely when we’re far from deeply in love.

34. Once we’ve discussed what “exclusive” and “cheating” mean to us, we have to agree to some boundaries or agree to there being no “us”.

35. If she thinks Stephenie Meyer is a talented writer.

35. If she’s a Scientologist.

36. If she’s not just a woman but also a horse.